Em's 4/5 and No Hospitalization Celebration Event!

As you can see, I am slowly getting caught up on the blog.... this one backdated to June *YIKES* But bear with me, since it's not easy moving while very pregnant, and yes I am still battling the inevitable morning sickness.... but more like all day sickness in my case! And contracting off and on as well.... but life as we know it. And yes, I will still get to all the details of our move later on once I'm caught up with everything else that's still behind! 

So moving on.... 

Since Em didn't have a birthday party for her fourth birthday because of her second hip surgery, and we're not sure about giving her one this year for her fifth because we'll have a brand new baby and we're not sure about all the germs with RSV season, plus we'll still be a little chaotic with adjusting to 2, but Oh how wonderful all at the same time! We also realized we had never done anything to celebrate her going a year without an unplanned hospital stay, we figured we better do something BIG for it all! 

I have always been jealous of the mom's whose kids can have nice summer, outside parties! So if we celebrate on Em's half birthday, which is June 24, there you have it! I really wanted to reserve a pavilion at a park and get a big inflatable water slide and have a water party. But the park idea was out because they needed more notice and permits to get a bounce house rental. So Steve's parents offered their backyard, but that would limit the size we could get, so when contacting businesses about their rentals... none of them knew the dimensions of any of their rentals! Except one place that said they had them set up in their on site facility and I could come look at them anytime.... which is what we did when Steve got off work that day, and lo and behold, we just decided it would be best to pay the same amount for one rental and instead rent out their facility with ALL of their rentals! 

Turned out to be a BIG hit and I think all the kids and even adults that came had a lot of fun! We had two Chromosome 18 families join us.... the Harpers came all the way from Logan! And the Howe's came from Kaysville! We are so grateful that they all traveled so far to be part of this celebration, especially since it was in their honor as well! You see, we asked that instead of people bringing presents (since she really doesn't need anything these days), that people donate rather what they would have spent on a present, and that money was going straight to the Chromosome 18 Registry and Research Society. We also included a little about a fellow Chromosome 18 mom Mandi Fisher who recently passed away unexpectedly from an aortic aneurysm, leaving behind her husband Jason and 2 (almost 3) year old daughter Kenzie who has that same crazy 18q- like Emarie. We thought it would be nice to honor her with our celebration as well and have the donations be as much for her as for Em since that is how her family wanted her honored as well. 

Of course Em had a few presents, because grandparents got to do both! But we told them the only thing they could get her was more furniture for her dollhouse, which is what you'll see her opening. Em was very good to put donations in the box herself and we were able to send $250 to the office later! Not bad!! 

Anyway, on with the good part.... the videos and pictures, which of course will be shown in slideshow form.... what else ;) 

Enjoy! 

Remember, 720 p and full screen for optimum viewing! 

And here's a picture of Em placing her donation checks in the mail at the post office, so cute! 

Hogle Zoo

We had the opportunity to once again go to the zoo in Salt Lake. Em has been lucky to go at least once a year since she was about 15 months old. A couple of those trips can be seen here and here.

This time was the first time we got to go with any of Steve's side of the family. The visit consisted of me and Em, grandma Debbie and aunt Rachelle, and then aunt Kristal and her two girls, Isabel and Ariana.

It was insanely crowded for a weekday for some reason... maybe because the weather report had stated that this would be the coolest temps we'd see for awhile! And sad when 87 is cool!! We had such a hard time finding a place to park, and ended up having to park on the side of the road. We still had a lot of fun though, and it was some good exercise for my expanding body!

Here's the slideshow of course! (Easiest display when you have both pictures and video!)

A Father's Birth Perspective (Em's Birth Story from Steve)

This is a Father's Day surprise for Steve. He knows I have read this, but I don't think he knew I had it.... so hopefully he doesn't get mad at me for sharing it. I thought it was beautiful though, and such a nice thing for me to see from someone that was there too, but not in the same "state" I was in. 

So here it is  

I have heard it said that having a child born with a disability is like losing a child, losing the child that you imagined you would have had. Losing the ballerina, the football player, all the dreams you had for your child are suddenly dashed into pieces. You have to mourn the loss of that child before you can learn to love the precious child you have before you. I understand why someone would feel this way, maybe that is the right way to feel, but I really don’t think I felt this way when Emarie was born.

The events leading up to Emarie birth was very stressful and hard on Alisha. You can read more about the delivery here. We were both exhausted by the time Emarie was born. I will never forget the first few minutes after Emarie was born…it was the worst moment of my life followed by the best.

Emarie had swallowed some meconium and was not breathing when she was born. She was rushed to the table where they tried vacuuming out her lungs to get her to start breathing. I was videotaping them as they did this. More and more time went by, they couldn’t get the tube down her throat, she wasn’t breathing or crying and she was looking really limp. I had this horrible feeling come over me and I thought I was recording her dying. I didn’t know if I should stop recording or if I should keep recording the last few minutes of her life. I will never get over the despair I felt at that moment, it really felt like my world was collapsing around me and I couldn't breathe. You can’t really imagine the contrast of how happy I felt when she started breathing. The love I feel for Emarie started at that moment.

After a short hug from mommy, Emarie was taken to the NICU. It was many hours before we were able to see her again. The Nurses told us right away that Emarie had a cleft of her hard and soft palate, which was why they were having a hard time vacuuming out her lungs, and that it looked like she had clubbed feet. This really didn’t bother us at all because of what we had just been through; I was just so happy that she was alive.

Finally the pediatrician came to talk to us, she said she was sorry because she had to deliver some bad news. She wanted us to know that Emarie had multiple birth defects; she had a cleft of the hard and soft palate, clubbed feet, and a hole in her heart. Because of all this and some facial characteristics she was sure Emarie had Down syndrome. It really bugged me that she thought we would take this so hard. I asked her if Emarie was stable and why we couldn’t see her. She wanted us to have the information about Down syndrome before we saw her, like maybe we wouldn’t want her or something. I just really wanted to see her, to be able to hold her. I was very concerned about her heart, but when I was able to hold her, I could tell she was a fighter and that she would be alright. At that point I really had no idea how lucky I was to be Emarie’s dad.

And just wanted to share the picture I made for the DIG FB page this morning

This picture was taken by my best friend Lacey Olsen... we cherish the pictures she has taken of our family! Thanks Lace! 

Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads I know!

The Story of How Baby #2 Came to Be

This post is a bit hard for me to write, which is why I've put it off so long. I think the reason for that is because I feel vulnerable about all of it, and that I'm still at the beginning of this "unattainable dream" that could fleet from my fingers at any moment. I think it was easier to breathe a sigh relief at the last doctors appointment where I once again heard that reaffirming sound of my sweet baby's hearbeat, and knowing that I am now considered past the "safe point". So, now I'll get on with it. 

I had gone off birth control long before this happened for us. We knew with the fact that I was on such a high dose of hormones in my birth control to help control frequent cysts and onset of endometriosis, that it might take awhile. My doctor had told me that it could take at least 4-6 months to get pregnant, if at all.... but we were well over a year later and it still hadn't happened, and honestly I had quit expecting it to happen anymore. When the year mark had come and past, I thought about going back to my doctor, but honestly I was afraid.... I was afraid of what she might tell me, I was afraid of fertility clinics, but mostly I was afraid that they would find nothing wrong and I would be left to wonder why. So, I put it off, but it nagged at me.... and nagged. So a few months later I went ahead and made an appointment, I was overdue for my yearly exam anyway. 

My doctor expressed concern as well that it had been nearly 16 months with no pregnancy. She suggested we run some blood-work first, since hormone deficiency is the most common and easiest to treat for infertility. The fact that my cycle has only been lasting between 24-26 days, made her think it more likely that I could have a hormone deficiency, and most likely with a cycle that short it was slim I was even ovulating at all. She still did give me some brochures for some fertility clinics, which I hoped I would never have to use. 2 reasons for that... first being that we would spend a whole lot of money and still not get a baby, the other being that our likelihood of multiples is already high... and with our luck, I could see us having 5 :/ Still, I walked out of the office with a little bit of hope and an order to get some blood work, which I did that very day. 

A week later I was called by my doctor's office saying they had my results and wanted me to come in as soon as I could. I hoped that meant "good news" if they weren't sharing it over the phone. An hour later Em and I sat down in my doctor's office as she pulled out her notes to discuss the results of my previous blood-work. As we had hoped, it showed I had a significant deficiency in progesterone, which was a super easy fix and most likely to blame for my short cycle and lack in pregnancy. She didn't think it necessary that I begin the medication right away, rather wait until the middle of my cycle, around the time I could be ovulating, which would be around the 16th day of my cycle. This was a Thursday, I should be starting on Saturday. So I was eager and elated that this could finally happen for us. I prayed in the car that day, prayed very hard and long.... didn't expect that prayer to be answered so fast! 

Saturday came and went, but my "monthly gift" never came. Not too surprising, I had been late once before since I stopped birth control, and like I'd said I'd quit expecting any other reason for being late.... but I was, and when the end of Sunday came and I still hadn't started, I decided I'd get a pregnancy test to take in the morning, just for my own sanity. Because this was really late, most of the time it came early, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a test. Sunday was April Fool's day, and Steve thought it would be funny for us to do what a lot of other people were doing and that was to announce a pregnancy.... I thought it would be cruel though, since I thought a lot of people would really take that to heart and be so happy for us, only to be shot down. 

Monday, April 2nd is when I took the first test. I got up in the morning and took a test, waited the 3 minutes and it was negative.... or so I thought ;) Wasn't surprised, of course a little disappointed, but I had been getting better at pushing that disappointment away. I even forgot about it... but then it was Wednesday and I was now 5 days late, so when Em woke up at her almost usual time of 5 am, I decided to take the other test that was in the box, so that that way I could call my doctor to find out what was going on since I was sure this one would be negative as well. 3 short minutes later, I looked at the test to see the same result as before.... negative.... hmm, but then wait.... I think I've been reading this wrong! I've been looking for a + sign all along, and this test says right here that 2 lines indicate a positive result..... 2 lines? I have 2 very bold lines, and come to think of it, so did the last test. I'm pregnant.... I honestly can't believe it. But it must be true, because I have apparently had 2 positive tests telling me so.

I tried to go back to sleep for another hour, but I was too excited to sleep, and I didn't want to wake Steve yet since that's what I had done at more like 4 in the morning when I found out about Em, and I think he had wished I'd waited until later ;) So instead I came out to the living room and laid on the couch and just reveled in my own excitement.

First thoughts- honestly my very first thought that moment was: "I get to do this again, I get to have another shot." Now please don't get me wrong here, Emarie coming to this world is one of the best things that ever happened to me. It's just that her delivery was just such a traumatic moment, full of fear, worry and unknown.... not how it was supposed to be. I felt cheated out of the whole "first birth" experience. So much so that I still have a hard time hearing other people's birth stories, seeing pictures or videos. And I know others have had harder experiences than even I did, and of course those who can't have children on their own, and I am sensitive to that, believe me! So that was my first thought, that I would have that chance again.

My next thought was a little more panicked, "I've never breastfed a baby, I don't even really know how to feed a baby.... how am I going to do this when they'll think I know what I'm doing since I already have a child??" This thought was made evident further down the road when my niece (who's 16 months old) came up to me wanting one of the chips I was eating, and I told her no since I wasn't sure if she could eat them. I later found out from her mom that she was fine to eat chips.... see, typical baby dummy here! But Steve was quick to point out that it would be fine and we would learn along the way like first time parents..... sort of ;)  

That morning before Steve got in the shower, I sent him this message.... 

Corny I know, but keep in mind I hadn't had much sleep! 

That very day, I made a call for a high-risk OB (doctor's recommendation since I have had a few miscarriages and Em's pregnancy and labor were rather difficult), and luckily they fit me in the very next day with the nurse practitioner. First of all, they confirmed my pregnancy, but expressed concern that I was already having pelvic pain and cramping.... they wanted to make sure I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy with my history, so I went in for my very first ultrasound that evening. Being as I was no more than 5 weeks, they couldn't really see much even by the less than traditional way :S (sorry didn't want to be too graphic.... some of you will probably know what I mean though). So I was then sent next door for more blood-work to check my HCG levels. Next day I tried calling the Doctor's office since I hadn't heard from them yet, and they said a nurse would be calling me with an hour. Not even 10 minutes later I got a call, but not from the nurse, but from the actual doctor whom I haven't even seen yet.... that scared me a bit! She mentioned that my levels looked great for a pregnancy that would be indicative of 5 weeks, her concern though was that I might actually be further along (8-9 weeks) and it actually was implanted somewhere else which would produce some low HCG levels. So she wanted me to repeat the test every other day for the next 2 weeks, possibly repeat an ultrasound in a week, which I did and thankfully we could see the sac was in the uterus, but couldn't see a heartbeat yet... so repeat the blood test for a little longer, then I had another ultrasound nearing the 9 week mark, where there was definitely a heartbeat! Also had a Dr's appointment the next week and we heard the heartbeat with the doppler for the first time :) Here's a little video Steve put together of that

Ok, so next up will be the details of when we told family and photos and videos from the reactions and FYI the video above was done after we'd told our families, but before we had announced it on the blog or Facebook.... so to be continued :) 

Spring Dress Photo Shoot

A couple months back Steve's mom was up visiting her oldest daughter in Clinton where they live. Kristal has 2 daughters, her oldest being born just days before Em was. They went out shopping and found these absolutely darling dress-sets in all the girls sizes and without hesitation bought them! We had a hard time coordinating a good day when we were all in the same city to take pictures of the girls in these darling dresses! But we finally did it the Sunday before Memorial Day. Steve did such a great job taking and editing these pictures, and these again were taken in my grandparents (Andrews) backyard :) 

Here's the slideshow of the pictures

Remember, remember- 720p and full screen for optimum viewing ;) 

Remember the offer in this previous post too :) 

Sleep Study Success? And a Bit of Nostalgia

We quickly got Em's last Sleep Study Fiasco rescheduled, and went the night after Memorial Day. It was as much of a success as it can be.... meaning they got a reading, but it was a less than stellar night. You can all now appreciate the fact that sleeping on a pull-out bed (and pull-out from a small chair, not a couch!) is less than appealing to me in my pregnant state. I'm already having trouble sleeping in my own comfortable bed, so this is almost torture on my aching body. Steve is nice and offers to go, but unfortunately he can only go on a Friday night and of course those are the first to fill up. So I went, and even with a smile on my face ;) 

I don't know why, but every single one of our 5 times at a sleep study, they always seem to choose Em to hook up last.... regardless of if she's the youngest there or not (and most of the time she is)! So sometimes, it's not until after 10pm that they even start, and it takes over an hour to get everything on! Granted we were about 15-20 minutes late this time (lost track of time as I was cooking dinner).... but still! 

This was the dinner I made, mini meatloaves with mashed potatoes and cheese on top.... divine! 

Back to the sleep study.... 

This was as they were hooking her up, and as you can see, very, very tired already! 

Of course though, it still took a couple hours for her to fall asleep since she likes to get silly and then grumpy because she wonders why we aren't home. 

But here she is finally asleep

Amazing how peaceful she looks in all that! 

She woke up I'd say at least 5 times that night... which is more or less usual. I slept a grand total of about an hour! I certainly missed my "Moog" at home :( That is the name for my pregnancy pillow that saved me at about the 15 week mark with Em... and I had Steve fish it out of storage at about 7 weeks this time... 

Yes, you'll have to get one if ever you're expecting.... well worth the money! 

It also didn't help that this baby of mine was trying out some new acrobatics, which unfortunately didn't play too well on my already stretched bladder! It didn't help that the only bathroom in the clinic (which is already a distance to walk) was out of order, making for an even longer walk to the next clinic over. And I'll say I waddled there no less than 5 times during the night! 

We made it the whole night though! Em woke up at her usual time of 5 am, she does this a lot, but usually goes back to sleep after no more than 15 minutes, makes it real fun on those days when we're about to get up for work in about an hour :/ Anyway, since they have cameras on her and could see she was awake, they just decided to end the study then, a whole hour earlier than they would've. Whatever though, I had been awake the whole night, so it didn't matter to me! 

waking up...

And after all that gunk is taken off... 

the infamous hair picture!

We for sure faired better with the hair this time, then the last "successful" sleep study...

Sleep study from September 2011

And it takes dish soap, and at least 3 washes with a medicated shampoo (t-gel) before you can get all the glue out of her hair!

So now, we will have to wait until the end of the month to get the results. But I was already told from the tech that night that although she never needed oxygen, she is still showing significant obstruction.... which means most likely we'll be looking at that dreaded surgery. But if it will help her, then we will do it! 

Now the nostalgia part of the title.... I don't know why I thought of this that night, but I do see how significant it is in light of recent news. That night as I was desperately trying to fall asleep, I couldn't help think of Em's very first sleep study the week of Christmas, and how cute she looked in the Christmas outfit that a fellow Ch18 family had sent her. I received news last Saturday that Mandi Fisher had passed away at the young age of 30. She left behind her husband Jason, and her sweet little Mckenzie, who like Em has 18q- and is only 2 years old. I hope you'll keep this sweet little family in your prayers. This news absolutely broke my heart, and news of how we will help honor her life is coming in a following post. 

Memorial Day 2012

Memorial Day was quite perfect this year. Em and I slept in (Steve got up a little earlier to help his brother Jeff move into his new house). We then went to the cemetery where my sister is buried, which is always the busiest day of the year to be there! And then finished the day with a barbecue at my grandparents with the Wilde clan! 

See, perfect :)

I took this picture when we first got there to show how crowded it was.... and this was only a portion!

Cool edit on this picture, thanks Steve

 Don't you just love that Em looks like an American flag??

 A lot of stuff was on Breanne's grave already when we got there, always warms my heart

Later at the barbeque

Nothing like a healthy and competitive game of croquet with this Wilde bunch!

My cousin's Quin and his wife Melissa brought their dog and Em thought she was hilarious!

While Em was trying to watch everyone play croquet, I was videoing her with my phone since she was laughing so hard, and Steve was videoing the game because there was so much bickering.... this happened.... Please disregard my laugh in this video, I was sitting in a weird position and couldn't breathe very well! 

We didn't think she was hurt since she laughed, but the next day at her sleep study was when I discovered these...

We think they were mostly from her DAFO's (they're all on the back of her legs).... poor, tough girl!

It was a great day though! 

Mother's Day 2012

*Not sure why the music player isn't working, says you can't hear playback except from their site now.... well that won't work, so this may be the end of songs with posts :( 

So Mother's Day didn't quite turn out how we planned this year, seeing as we ended up telling everyone our news by the end of that day. First plan was to wait until 14 weeks to tell our families, then on into June to tell the rest of the world.... but this baby had other plans with showing "himself" starting at about 7 weeks! *And FYI, I will from now until I hear otherwise be referring to this baby as a "him" because I do not like to refer to a baby as an "it"! We still do NOT know the gender, this is just for now, mm'kay??* But going back.... when I started to pop and I could tell people were starting to wonder, we decided to pop the news to families again on Mother's Day. Those of you that don't know, that is when we told of Em on Mother's Day 5 years ago..... really?? Was it that long ago??! So that is what the video depicted in both the slideshow for my mom and for Steve's mom. But when we found out that Steve's parents would be out of town the weekend of Mother's Day, we settled on doing it the Sunday before, which worked out nice since Steve's sister Amber was still in town from West Virginia. We ended up telling Amber a few minutes before everyone else to make sure it was ok with her since she was here celebrating the nearing arrival of her baby boy! Of course she was fine with it though. Then we told my mom and her family the next day. The more detailed post of the "tellings" and pictures and video of the reactions will be in the next post, so here is just the rest of Mother's Day... which ended up a lot more low-key than if we had told on that day. So instead the families all knew and we just enjoyed a nice early dinner at Chuck-O-Rama with my mom's side of the family and that night is when I officially announced it on Facebook :)

Before any of all that though, I got this nice card from Steve and Em

So yes, I think I confused people all over with this on Facebook.... people on Instagram got it though ;) My post on Facebook that night read, "Epic day!! I'm going to finally be welcoming Siri into my life in a few short days.... And even better, I will be the mom to 2 in about 6 1/2 months!!" Not sure why people were thinking we were naming the baby Siri....  So if you don't know who or what Siri is.... here, let me introduce you....

That is an iPhone 4S... only iPhone that has the wonderful program known as Siri. I wanted to rename her "Bumblebee" respectfully because the case reminds me of Bumblebee from transformers.... her response to this was, "I'd rather you didn't".

Other fun banter from Siri:

"What are you wearing?".... "I think you have the wrong personal assistant"

"Do you love me?".... "I am incapable of love.... but I do respect you."

"But I love you!".... "Well, all you need is love.... and your iPhone"

"What's your favorite color?"...... "Well, I can't really explain it in your language, but I guess it is sort of a greenish color"

"I need a new cell phone"..... "You're kidding right?!".... or, "Wait.... there are other cell phones?!"



Siri has a bit of an attitude as you can see, and gets annoyed of stupid questions as Diane's kids have found out ;)

"Are we annoying you Siri?"..... "I'd rather not answer that"


Siri is good for more than just fun, as she points out! She also asks what I did before her ;) But she can help you with anything to remembering an appointment to remembering to get milk when you drive close to the store. She also can help you if you're lost and tell you where you can get the best burger in your area! But here is my favorite commercial for her too!

Love Zoey! 

Anyway, enough on that, though as you can see, I love my Mother's Day gift! But here's a few pictures from the day of me and the girl I owe the day to! 

 For people that missed my status (had close to 100 "likes" and 85 comments though!), I posted this picture later that night saying, "To the girl I owe this day to.... the one that made me a mother! And even though she'll be sharing me soon, she'll always be my baby! Love you my Em bug!" And I was right to do it, because there were a few that had missed the first two posts (yeah I posted this blog post on Saturday night actually, the night before Mother's Day, but very few saw it of course!) 

 Yup, she's a ham! 

Sometimes I can't get over that this girl came from me! She is beautiful! 

So that was Mother's Day.... perfect