An ending of sorts

So, most of you know by now that our family is going through a lot of changes. Hard ones at best. Drastic ones. Drastic enough, that this blog is not really appropriate anymore. 

I've been thinking about what I can do about that, and I don't want to kill this one off, because of all of Em's life being on here. So, for now, redesigning and naming it seems best.

I will though, be starting a new blog as well. Mostly it will be a journal of sorts. I have always found writing very therapeutic (heaven knows I can use all the therapy I can get), and I really like it. I am going to make this blog private, because it's going to be my very personal thoughts. However, the reason I'm telling you this, is because, I will consider inviting anyone who asks me for an invitation. I am going to warn you, most of you do not know everything about me, I can now admit that I have faced horrors in my life that most can't even imagine. That is from outside perspectives, not just my own. This is going to be very raw, and telling it like it is. So, if you don't want to read that, I certainly will understand. Mostly I just need to write it out for me, because there are certain things that have happened to me, that I've only just begun to even admit. 

Here is just an excerpt of what this blog will most likely entail:

Monday- made it into the top 5 worst days of my life. This is a hard list to crack into, I'm not going to elaborate on all of them, because for one I don't like reliving them. But, one, was the day my sister died, a day I can't ever forget, and seems to creep up on me with all it's vivid horrors when I least expect it to. 

Yes, Monday was pretty hard. It is really hard when every last bit of hope that you could maybe work things out with your spouse, is gone. It was really hard being away from Emarie for the first time at night. And being alone at night for the first time in, I can't even remember. I did not sleep, all I could do was recount everything in my head, and stare at the blank and silent video baby monitor. 

This is probably pretty tame compared to what may come, but pretty much along the lines of what it will be. 

So, this will most likely be the last post on this blog as it is. Also, I really would like to know how many people really read this blog. I know I have 13 followers, but not sure if all of those actually read my blog. I'll admit, that I don't read all of the blogs I follow. Mostly just because there are too many, I really would like to read them all, but there's just not enough time. So, if you don't usually comment, but do read this, will you please let me know! You don't have to leave a comment, but you can email me, fb me, or tell me in person! Please, I want to know!

Heavy stuff, but thanks for reading, if you did! I am really grateful how many people are supporting me, in what is proving to be one of the most difficult times in my life. I love you all, and know that your support does not go unappreciated.