Ryker Brooks Peters

A Birth Story

One week post-partum, everything fresh in the brain still, still sleep deprived but no longer clouded by narcotics ;) Actually stopped those after day 3.... really prefer the pain over the way I feel on them. 

So here it is. And truly it was perfect in every sense of the word. Better than I could possibly ever imagine. 

With Em, my pregnancy was rough and labor was even rougher... luckily her delivery was not bad at all. Ryker's pregnancy was even more difficult with an emergency gallbladder removal at 20 weeks, and a broken rib due to excessive coughing from bronchitis at 30 weeks, which lead to pre-term labor, stopped with nifedipine taken every four hours until I hit 35 weeks when my doctor felt comfortable for me to go off of them.

Contractions started early on in both my kids' pregnancies, around 24 weeks with both. Though mostly inconsistent, and pretty sporadic. They begin to get more frequent and consistent toward the end. 

I have measured at least two weeks ahead of my original due date of December 10th from the very beginning, so I got bumped up to weekly appointments sooner than normal. My first weekly appointment, I was measuring the same as I had the week prior. My doctor was a little concerned since I was really good with growing each time, but not enough to have her considering any action yet. But she thought that by the next appointment, if I was still measuring the same, she would consider inducing me. Now this is where a lot of confusion came in from my family. This is also where I want to say that I have the most amazing doctor this time around, and I could not be happier with my instinct to go with the doctor that had ended up delivering Emarie (even though she was not my doctor for her pregnancy). I couldn't say enough to have a woman OBGYN. Not only does she really know the female body, but she's had four kids herself, so she really knows pregnancy, labor and delivery too. Now she does not believe in inducing unless there's a problem or you are past your due date..... Ok, so now that we've got that out of the way... on with when labor began....

Like I said contractions were no stranger to me and by Thanksgiving, I was having some pretty good ones, so I knew labor was coming. By that Sunday, I was having very frequent, strong contractions, I thought we might have our baby by that night. But I figured if I could sleep through the contractions, that they probably weren't enough to send me to the hospital. Besides, I had a doctor's appointment next morning, the appointment turned into an all day thing though. After checking in at 9:15, I was told that they were already behind.... really behind! Apparently she'd had a scheduled c-section, followed by an emergency c-section and then when I was lead back to a room because she would be on her way there (already undressed mind you!) I was apologetically told that she had to attend to TWO more deliveries after her c-section. Many patients were talked into rescheduling, or coming back later... but I was already undressed and curious to see where I was at. Finally after being at the doctor's office for 3 hours, Dr. Grover finally got there, and honestly I felt bad for her! She looked so frazzled and you could tell she felt really bad for making me wait. She is amazing and I can't say enough about how glad I am that she is the one that cared for me and my baby boy for 8 months! She was aware of everything with Em and did not press me to do any prenatal testing, nor did she think I should have to go through the same torture again that I did when Emarie was born. So she did check me and I was 3 centimeters which surprised me since I never dilated on my own with Em. However, I was only about 50% effaced and my uterus was still pretty posterior (really far back and hard to find.... excruciating for them to try and check too!). I was not measuring the same anymore, but only a tiny bit more, so she wanted me to go in for a non-stress test to make sure my fluid levels looked ok. She didn't think she would have to intervene unless things looked worrisome there since she was sure I would be having this baby within 48 hours on my own. Non-stress test was scheduled for later that afternoon, fluid levels were fine, but his base heart-rate was a little low at first... they kept me a little longer, and it looked better toward the end. 

That night we went to get some more painting supplies to finish up the baby's room. While we were there, I was feeling really frequent contractions, about every 9-10 minutes. Again that night I was thinking we would have a baby, but I was able to sleep through the contractions again... though this time it was much harder. I was up for good at 5 am on November 27th and couldn't go back to sleep, and at that point, I was pretty sure we were going to have our baby that day. Still, I didn't want to go to the hospital until they were 7 minutes or less apart. And they still didn't seem strong enough to me. In fact the contractions I had at 30 weeks were much stronger. Steve didn't go to work, but I thought it might still be awhile, so he put a coat of sealer on the floor boards in the baby's room, which had a really strong odor and was really making me sick. So after a bath and getting myself dressed and then Emarie ready for school (we asked grandma to take her though), we decided it was time to go to the hospital, my contractions were 7 minutes apart at this point, but I still didn't feel they were that strong, so I was expecting to get sent home to be honest.

We arrived at the hospital at 11:30 am that morning, and after getting dressed in my gown the nurse came in to get the monitors on and check me. Well, I was dilated to 4 1/2 centimeters by that point, but still only about 60% effaced and very posterior still (man it was terrible for them to check me when it wasn't in the right place!). After an hour, the nurse came in again to check and see if I'd made any progress to see if I was staying or not. Not a whole lot of progress, so she said it was likely that I was going to go home, but that she would call and talk with my doctor. At that moment a commercial came on for Dunkin Donuts and I decided that I needed a donut. Steve graciously complied and hurried downstairs to get me one. While he was gone, the nurse came in with an IV bag and a bunch of other supplies and asked, "So do you really want to go home today..... or would you rather have your baby??!" I was a little taken aback, so she explained that Dr Grover thought, given my history of Em's delivery, that my posterior uterus might not move on it's own, just like I didn't dilate on my own with Em. So she wanted to keep me there, come and break my water in a bit... possibly start pectocin if needed. So when Steve came back with donuts in hand, I excitedly told him I wouldn't be able to eat it! He was confused of course, so I asked him if he wanted our baby to come today? 

So it began.... 

After they started my IV, they were supposed to watch me and see my progression, but my Dr believed she would need to at least break my water to get my uterus to move in the right position and avoid a c-section. They asked me if I wanted an epidural or anything for pain, I declined seeing as my contractions were still not bad and I figured I would get one after she broke my water. The nurse wrote the date on the white board, and below that "Welcome Baby....." and looked at me expectantly. I had to tell her that we hadn't completely decided on his name yet, and we had decided to wait to see him for that. She was just fine with that, so finished it with a "?". My contractions progressed and got stronger and closer together, but still not too bad. Steve and I talked about what he would look like, if he would look like me, Steve or Emarie. We watched a little tv, talked about Em and how she was at school and if anyone suspected I was having my baby today. 

We had decided long ago.... even before we were pregnant about how we wanted things to go differently the next time we had a baby. I don't say this ever, But Steve and I both worried the day Emarie was born that we might not ever take her home.... we did not know if she would live with how her birth went and how they were talking. And the grief of that day was publicized for everyone that was at the hospital, which was a lot. We have no pictures from her actual birth since it happened so fast and they whisked her away for several hours afterward. It has caused me so much pain to think about that day.... so much so that I have a hard time hearing other people's birth stories, or seeing their wonderful pictures and videos. I wanted everything to go different this time. That meant that we didn't want anyone there with us until we had our time with him. Some people may still not get this, and that's ok, it's what I wanted, and that's all that mattered. And we were very blunt about this from the get go. I worried that I might need to keep people from knowing I was in labor, to make sure that my wishes were respected. But a few people ended up knowing. 

Because of the no pictures from Emarie, I wanted the complete opposite for this baby. I thought about hiring a birth photographer, even though Steve would have his camera, I wanted pictures captured of all of us, at all the key moments. So I asked my best friend if she would be willing. Lacey has taken some amazing pictures for us before , and since she knows us, I know she would be best to capture everything I wanted. She has a new little guy of her own at home, who is just over a year. So I was worried that the birth would come at inconvenient time. What's even harder is that she had just started a new job this month and was worried about it happening during work hours. But I had to have the mentality that we would still have some amazing pictures from Steve even if Lacey couldn't make it.... but luckily, everything worked out perfectly. And a lot of the pictures in the video below are ones that Lacey captured. 

Going back to the birth. I had gone until 5:30 and had dilated to about 6 centimeters and 90% effaced, but still that darn uterus was very posterior, so that is when Dr. Grover came in to break my water. I was relieved to hear that the fluid was clear, since Emarie's was anything but! Almost immediately after she broke my water, my contractions finally started to get strong! I thought maybe it was time to get an epidural..... however the first nurse I told must have forgot since half of the nurses had to respond to a "code white" in the ER parking lot.... which I was assuming was a baby being born there. But after another nurse came in, she got the anesthesiologist and I got my epidural around 6:30. Things became a little easier after that, and the next time I got checked around 7:30, I was a 7, baby's heart rate was dropping a bit at this point too, so they put me on an oxygen mask. By 8:15, I felt the urge to push and told the nurse.... she was skeptical since I was only a 7 about a half hour ago, but she checked me and with eyes wide she said, "You're right! You're ready! I'll call the doctor, she's only 5 minutes away!" I had been sending Lacey updates so that she could be ready to come at the final moment too, she as well is only about 5 minutes from the hospital, so I told Steve to text her to come. 5 minutes later, Dr. Grover walked in, and two minutes after that Lacey did. Oh, and I had had them turn off my epidural about an hour before this because I wanted to be able to feel my legs and know exactly when to push. I did not have to push Em and so I was excited and a bit nervous for this part. It took maybe 5 good pushes and less than 5 minutes and our little boy was here! 

Steve had told me right before Dr. Grover got there that he did not want to cut the umbilical cord. He is grossed out by this, haha! But he didn't get the chance with either of our kids since they both had it wrapped around their necks pretty tight at birth. Which is why baby boy's heart rate dropped here and there. 

I have never been so relieved and happy than I was the moment I heard my boy's first cry! It took what seemed like an eternity for Em to cry.... and baby boy was almost instant after the cord came off his neck. Even though there's no sound to the video clips below, you can see me say "He's crying!!". I also was so excited for all the rest of what I didn't get to experience with Em's birth- them putting him on my stomach, being able to hold him, kiss him, talk to him and love on him. I held him for a few minutes, before they took him to finish cleaning him off and weigh him and such. 7 lbs 15 oz and 20 1/2 inches! Great size!! All the nurses were commenting on his crazy hair and perfect little head.... which I was Sooo relieved about, since Em's head was so small, I was worried his would be bigger and therefor harder to labor. But I guess I just have small headed kiddos! After all that was done, they gave him back to me in just a diaper for some skin to skin. After I had loved on him awhile, I told them they could wrap him and give him to Steve, and he had his little hand clasped on my gown and cried when they took him away from me! My heart was so full at that point. And I want to thank Lacey for being there, but also just doing her thing, so that at times it was like she wasn't even there. The nurses had heard bits and pieces of what our birth was like with Emarie, so they let us keep our little guy a lot longer than is typical. When I got him back from daddy, I nursed him and boy was it painful, but wonderful all at the same time! This was also a first for me since Em was never able to nurse. Then I realized he needed a name. So we said both names a few times to him, and it was easy to see that he was clearly a "Ryker" :) And I love that both of my kids are named after people that were taken far too young and still are very dear to me. Of course Emarie's middle name is after my sister Breanne, and now Ryker's middle name is after my cousin Brooks. Ryker also came on a significant day, his grandmother Karen's birthday! She has a twin (Kenneth) too, so it was Ryker's great-uncle's birthday, and another great-uncle (Bob) on my other side of the family. Also one of our wonderful Chromosome 18 mom's, Dana as well! What a great day for him to come to the world! 

And I guess it was the week for babies! As I had already mentioned how many babies my Dr had delivered the day before.... and while I was on the labor & delivery floor, they were completely full! No rooms left! And by the time we made it down to mother/baby, same thing... FULL! They were even over-flowing to the pediatric wing! So Ryker may meet a lot of kids one day that share his birthday! We were told that there were 9 babies born during the day that day, and another 12 that night! And of those 12, only one was a girl! Crazy!! 

Stress reeks havoc on Steve, and the poor guy began to suffer from an allergic reaction and had to leave to go get medicine. Luckily he made it back in time to capture some pictures of our Ryker in the nursery getting his bath and such, and I was taken down there shortly after. Once the nursery brought him back to me, I held him all night. Like I said, I didn't get that with Em, so I was absolutely content to just snuggle him all night long. And Steve was completely passed out from all the Benadryl, so I got him all to myself!  

The next morning is when we began to tell people that our baby boy had arrived, but we did not share his name or pictures yet. We wanted people to know his name when they came to meet him, and for far away family, when they received an email with pictures later that night. And we said we would be accepting visitors after his sister had met him later that morning. Em was a little unimpressed with him when she came around ten with Steve's parents (video and pictures of people that came to visit will be in the next post), but I was hopeful that she would warm up... and I was right.... mostly ;) 

We had many visitors throughout that day and evening and I was so proud to show off my new son! Em also came back and hung out with us that evening so her grandparents could go out to dinner. That night I did have him go to the nursery for part of the night since it had been an emotional day and I wanted to be able to get some sleep before we went home the next day. 

Ryker had a few minor problems while we were there. He had swallowed an excess of fluid, so had to be suctioned out and they even did a chest x-ray to make sure none was in his lungs. But he was clear. But he also had problems breast feeding, which I know is very common, but frustrating! His blood sugar was a little low, so we did have to give him some formula in the hospital since my milk still hadn't come in. He did not tolerate it though and threw up I believe every ounce of the two bottles he had! After meeting with a lactation nurse, she thought it might be a good idea to have the Dr clip his tongue since she could see it was tied in pretty much the same place Em's had been.... right at the tip. So Dr Bailey our pediatrician (also one amazing doctor!) did that and his circumcision the morning of the day we went home (which was Thursday the 29th). He did not like the tongue clipping, but surprisingly was not too bothered by the circumcision, and yes I was there for both! So was Steve, but he mainly stayed in the corner ;) We left the hospital around noon that day and I can't tell you what an amazing feeling it was to leave with my baby! 

Adjustments have been hard, and no one's getting much sleep this week... but my milk came in on Friday the 30th (3 days later) and Ryker is slowly, but surely becoming a champ with nursing! Though it is clear that he has reflux just like his sister since he can projectile vomit up to 3 or 4 times during a feeding! We might have to do medication by his next Dr's appointment if it looks like he needs it. 

But he is the sweetest baby! Even when he cries like a pterodactyl! Not exaggerating on that one, I will share a video of it in another post! 

We are all in love with our little "Ry Guy" and we're so glad he decided to join our family! 

Now here's his birth video.... maybe it's my emotions, but I can't make it through without crying every one of the hundred's of times I've watched it! A million thanks to Lacey for the heartfelt pictures, and Steve for his pictures and videos. Now all those birth videos that I have always been so jealous of.... I have a perfect one. And it is clean, so no need for worry about what you'll see! Now for optimum viewing, make sure it's set to 720pHD and full screen :) 

The Tree

It was maybe a few days.... maybe a few weeks after the darkest day in mine and my family's lives. Late September 1994, some neighbors, also parents of my sister's little friends knocked on our door, one of them holding a tiny tree in a pot. They told us they would like to plant this tree in honor of our sweet Breanne. We were touched, but had no idea that it would continue to aid in the healing of our hearts. 

September 13, 1995 we heard voices out front, I looked out the window and saw same said parents along with their kids decorating the tree with ribbons. An honoring of the anniversary of her death. We were honored. It continued for at least the next 3 years. 

We began plans to move away from that house that had been our home for more than 10 years when I was finishing up junior high in 1998. It occurred to us that we would have to leave the tree behind and we were deeply saddened by it. My parents told the people buying our house what the tree meant to us and that if they ever felt the need to remove it, we would transport it to where we lived. They didn't think they would ever want to remove it, so we moved on hoping it would be well taken care of. 

About a year after we moved, we found out that the new owners of our old house did decide they didn't want the tree anymore.... but sadly the cost of transporting it was out of the realm of possibility, we had to accept the fact that we would need to let it go, even though we were devastated by the idea. We drove by our old stomping grounds from time to time, we still had friends in that neighborhood after all, and were always surprised to see the tree still standing tall and growing even taller. Years went by and it was always still there, we began to believe that they had changed their minds and our "Bre Tree" would remain. 

This past spring, I was in the neighborhood I basically grew up in again visiting one of my best friends. I had my camera with me and decided I needed a picture of "Bre Tree" since I hadn't seen it in awhile and really don't know how much longer it will really be there since I have no idea who is living in "our" house anymore. I had failed on more than one occasion to try to get a picture when there was no one around.... but I chanced it again and luckily not a soul in sight! I parked the car across the street just in case and snapped as fast as I could. It's amazing how this tree can still take my breath away with how much it has grown! 

I remember when it was first planted, it was as tall as me. It may not be the best looking tree, or the coolest.... but it will always be my favorite tree. It is to me new growth and hope in place of the doubt and despair that came the day she left this world. 

Keep growing "Bre Tree" 

#16 and WOW, Some Good News for Once!

So little miss Emarie had her 16th surgery yesterday. Pretty minor one in our books- just a little ear opening (have to widen her tiny canals each time they put new tubes in), new tubes and a sleep endoscopy. This was all after the dreaded news in this post and the sleep study in this post. 

My brave girl showing no fear as usual in the waiting room

After vitals, dressed and ready to go... still no fear! 

Then came a long wait.... she was supposed to go back by 10:30 and she didn't until close to 12! Which wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't need to get home and clean! We had people coming to look at our apartment that evening and since I'd been having contractions and feeling crumby pretty much since we got back from the trip, I hadn't gotten much done to say the least!  But finally the anesthesiologist came to get my girl.... 

I think maybe she's getting a bit big for them to carry.... 

After that, I quickly got checked in in the waiting area, I ran downstairs to grab something for me and baby boy since it was already lunch time (thought we'd be home in time for lunch!). Then hurried back up since they expected her surgery to take between 45 minutes to an hour. I still wasn't even finished eating when Dr. Muntz came in to say that he'd finished. Everything went well and he was actually surprised by the endoscopy results..... He had my full attention here! Turns out that where he originally thought her obstructions were, mainly her underdeveloped upper jaw and nasal area..... Not it though! And he told me he was a little worried when it all looked good there, that maybe he'd been wrong and that her apnea is in fact central.... I got a little worried here!... But he kept going and then he found her problem, a "floppy voice box" coupled with an "enlarged tongue"..... bottom line is a MUCH, MUCH easier and less invasive fix than a facial reconstruction, but yes she'll still need surgery. But not nearly as bad! Still will need to be admitted afterward, possibly even to the PICU for a bit because it's treated much like a tonsil and adenoid removal.... and well, that didn't go so well for her :/

But all in all a much better outcome that what we were expecting! My first thought when I was told about a facial reconstruction was that I did not want my beautiful girl's face to change..... the face that I've known for well over four years, the face that I kiss endlessly and look at and wonder how she got to be so beautiful. Maybe this is silly, but the fact remained that her tiny nose and small jaw are very much a part of that face that I love, and I was really sad that they were going to change. Now I don't have to worry about that. She will always be my Em of course... but I love her just the way she is! It truly is a miracle that they did not find the obstruction in her palate! Prayers work, hope and faith are real! Especially with our kid who always seems to find her way into the smallest percentages and the most unlikely scenarios.... needing 2 varus osteotomies is proof of that! 

Now after Dr. Muntz left it had been kind of awhile and no one had called me back still to go see her in PACU. And just when I was about to get worried, there was a phone call..... a phone call? It was the nurse in PACU, who said Em was doing just fine SAT-wise, she just was not waking up, so it would still be a bit before they called me. So I decided to get her something for when she woke up, and no I wasn't worried. The anesthesiologist had warned that they were going to use a different method to get her to sleep because of the endoscopy, a method that induced more of a natural sleep and therefor was a little harder to wake from. 

Cute little doll and butterfly balloon from the gift shop

Finally they called me to go back and turns out she was already in recovery when I got back there! Still not quite alert, so she wasn't quite as excited about her presents as I thought she'd be...

And this was pretty much how she was the rest of the time we spent in recovery..... and the hour ride home! But once we were home, she was back to her usual Em self! During said car ride, Dr. Muntz's scheduler called me to set up the next surgery, so we're set for October 3rd. And while we had people looking at our apartment, we went to dinner at Cafe Rio with daddy

And she laughed the whole time we were there! We were celebrating the good news from the surgery and the fact that she had lost one marble at this point.... she lost the other later that night as already mentioned in the last post. 

20 uhh... 23 Week Ultrasound and Marble Scare

The week that I hit 20 weeks, the ultrasonographer did not have any appointments late enough for Steve to be there, and the following week, which was the week of the 24th (Utah's birthday) she was out of town, which only left us with being able to do it when we got back from San Antonio (and yes, I know I should be blogging about that first, but I have about 3 posts still before that one and hopefully once we're moved I will get caught up... and yes, more about the move later too!). So 2 days after we got home, we had our "big ultrasound". 

We picked up daddy from work and then all went to dinner somewhere near the hospital which ended up being Arby's. 

Em's been watching the Olympics with us and really enjoying it! Especially running and gymnastics... and diving. Anyway, she started doing the hands in the air thing around the same time.. so there you have it! When wanting to acknowledge an accomplishment, she raises her arms in the air, pretty funny!

Did you notice the "missionary photo bomber" in the background?? We thought that was pretty funny later, didn't notice he was looking right at the camera (phone) when I took it! 

After dinner, we headed to the appointment. Our little guy is doing well! Not measuring quite as big anymore, though my uterus is still measuring a bit big... so who knows! 

 Ultrasonographer pointed out his defined bicep! 

 Our sweet baby! 

He likes to look at us 

Isn't amazing how much you can love someone you never met! 

After the appointment, we headed to Steve's parents house to see them since we hadn't since we'd been back. Thought it would be nice to show them the video and pictures from the ultrasound too. 

There is a toy that they have that is Em's absolute favorite! In fact she starts asking for it right when we walk in the door! She has been playing with it for years without ever having a problem.... until that evening.... 

We were just getting ready to go, when Steve laid Em down to change her diaper and I noticed her struggling and then going purple.... and then I freaked because I knew she was choking on a marble, I got to her as fast as I could and Steve sat her up.... and at this point everyone had come to the room. It seemed like it took forever, but she finally coughed and then started crying. Another moment to add to the list of "scariest moments of my life". She kept grabbing in her mouth and at her throat though, so we didn't hesitate to take her to the hospital that is right around the corner from their house. Subsequently it is the same hospital where my sister died, and I haven't been there since. Needless to say, it was a little hard on me... 

However....

By this time, Em was pretty much back to herself... 

Just reading a magazine here.... 

Got her back and their first initiative was of course to do an x-ray. Most people I know were thinking we were overreacting.... but she did choke on them.... and she is unique in every aspect! Key one being here... her digestive system. She has issues, and when I say issues, I mean issues. She does not digest things well or without some kind of help every day. So, to say the least, I was almost as worried about her digesting them, as I was about her swallowing them.... almost. 

 Still doing the Olympic Arms... proud of herself I suppose ;)

And daddy taking on my usual role as baby boy and I wait behind the safety glass

After the x-rays, we were sent back to the room to wait where Em and Steve went about their usual business

yeah, don't ask ;)

After a few minutes the Dr came in and told us they didn't find one marble..... they found two!! Yup, two round perfect objects making their way to her abdomen. He told us we should expect their exit in about 48 hours..... haha, yeah right! But he wanted us to watch her and follow up with the pediatrician if in a couple days she hadn't passed them. And then we headed home... 

I checked on her a lot that night! But every time, this is the way I found her... peacefully and soundly asleep! And ten fold, that blanket on Em is the very blanket they placed on my sister at that hospital nearly 18 years ago. Bittersweet. 

Now the reason I waited on this post is because I knew people would be asking if those marbles were still in her.... so that is why I did it tonight. As of tonight which is 8 days later, this girl has finally "lost her marbles", pun intended ;) 

And yeah, seems like this girl is already set out to upstage her brother! 

Park City with the Peters' Clan 2012

Once again we got to enjoy the Westgate Lodge and Spa in Park City with Steve's family. We also went last year, but it was in October, you can read about that time here. But the time we went before that was when I was pregnant with Em! 

We are so lucky that Steve's parents have invested in this place for all of us! This year it consisted of a presidential suite with a kitchen, large common room, 2 bedrooms and bathrooms in the main suite, and then 2 smaller rooms that each had a bedroom bathroom and small kitchen. PLUS they had two more separate suites, one large and one small. All in all, plenty of room, plus more to spare!! We had a few visitors both family and friends throughout the week. Steve's youngest brothers Mike and Cory were with us for the first weekend, but then they went on a hiking/camping trip with an old scout leader, so we invited the scout leader's wife and four kids to come up, so you will see their kids in the slideshow below. 

One of the best things about the presidential suite was the hot tub on the deck again! A little different this time around when it was actually still pretty warm outside! So we mostly used it at night... and with the heat turned town! Which worked out for the little girls and me being pregnant..... although I couldn't enjoy it until about 5 days after we got there due to my gallbladder surgery. Yeah, we went up just the night after my surgery! But I could either lay around and try and recover at home with no help for Em when Steve was at work (and I wasn't supposed to be lifting her), or recover in luxury with help all around! Easy choice in my book! 

I could go on more, but I'll just let the videos and pictures speak for themselves! Oh and keep in mind that the pictures that I look like the walking dead were when I was still recovering. Couldn't take a shower for the first couple days and was having a hard time even getting up, though I DID! Friday and Saturday, I just tried not to be in pictures at all, but Sunday was when I finally started to feel back to myself, was able to shower and I got ready and went out! 

First I will share a couple pictures that uncle Mike got, since we forgot to include them in the slideshow, but Mike is quite the photographer as well! 

 I had called to ask the Dr if it was ok for me to ice my incision on my belly-button (since that was the only one giving me any pain.... probably because of the pressure of my uterus and baby boy!), and she said it was ok for 20 minute incraments, she then suggested that my hubby give me a back rub, to which he complied, and then cute as could be, Em wanted to help too! FYI, this was Saturday, so yes still not back to the land of the living ;) 

Big smiles from my cute girl! Uncle Mike catches them better than us! 

And here's the rest of the pictures and videos in the slideshow!

Remember 720p and full screen for optimum viewing!

Thanks again mom and dad (Stan and Debbie) for this wonderful vacation! 

Who Needs a Gallbladder Anyway?! *Squeamish BEWARE!

As most of you know, I recently had my gallbladder removed, 3 days ago to be exact. I have had ongoing problems with my gallbladder for 3+ years. The doctor I dealt with before though did not think it necessary to remove since I didn't have the presence of stones..... however the doctor that took it out said it showed years of disease and should have been taken out a long time ago. I also did have stones this time, thanks to baby boy probably. 

My first attack during the pregnancy was probably around 13 or 14 weeks, though I wasn't sure that's what it was then, I am now. I went to the ER for one that lasted a good 2 days when I was 16 weeks, and there is where they referred me again to a surgeon. The surgeon was pretty sure it would need to come out one way or another.... either now in my second trimester, or right after the baby is born.... like we're talking a week after *doesn't give me much time to recover from birth, would it?!* I was fine to wait since I really didn't want to do anything to jeopardize this rare pregnancy of mine. However, after talking to my OB, she was pretty sure she wanted me to get it out now. She thought it would only get worse, and that the attacks would come more frequently and be worse than they already were (and they were already pretty bad), they cannot remove it in the third trimester. She made me promise that I would reconsider getting it taken out if I had another attack. That didn't take long... the very next Friday I had an attack that lasted well through the weekend. Even though I had been very careful with what I was eating (low fat diet). When I called the surgeons office, they were fine to take it out right away.... the very next day actually. 

Originally they gave me a check-in time of 12:30, which I thought would be hard with fasting from midnight. But that morning they called a little before 7 am and said they'd had some cancellations and asked if I could be there at 8.... and we took it! 

They did some bloodwork and such first, and it was probably about 10 before they wheeled me back to the OR. I was grateful that Steve was able to be off work and be with me. The time it said on the clock when I finally opened my eyes was about 11:45. 

Before the surgery, it had been decided that when I was out of recovery they wanted me to be monitored in Labor & Delivery for a few hours afterward. So at about 12:30, we met Steve in the hallway and headed up the elevator to L&D. I wasn't really aware of any pain at first, probably because I was still groggy and numb from the anesthesia, so I declined anything for pain, especially through an IV at that point. They wanted to make sure that I could eat something and keep it down... liquids only though, so the nurse brought in a menu. I decided on some chicken broth and an orange italian ice, which was really good. She had brought in some crackers and Sprite before then, which were hard to eat with how dried out my mouth was. So I guzzled two sprites and then two waters. And by then my food was there. Halfway through eating I vomited, so I waited a little while before trying again. They also wanted me to be able to go to the bathroom on my own, otherwise they'd have to place a catheter and I would have to stay the night. First 3 attempts were unsuccessful, but I still had time before they wanted me to go home anyway (they wanted me there for at least 4 hours). It was at this point that I finally accepted Steve's offer to see "the pictures".

Now here's the squeamish part.... sorry! 

First off, here's what a healthy gallbladder should look like

And this was mine....

Anyone still want to debate whether I should have had this organ out?!..... No?? Didn't think so! 

So after I was finally able to relieve my bladder and keep some liquids down, they said I was good to go home, exactly at 4 pm. Steve and I stopped at Article Circle on the way home to get me a chocolate malt, and right before we pulled in, I had to use the sick back I had in my lap.... but I still wanted the shake ;) At home, went to sleep for awhile and Steve went to get Emarie from his parent's house and get my prescriptions filled. I admit I broke down and have taken a few of the Loritab that they prescribed, but they told me I could take 2 every four hours, and I've only been doing about 1 every six... and that's only if the pain is really bad. I'd say I've only had one in the last 48 hours, and it was yesterday morning. 

So I have a total of 4 incisions. The only one that really bothers me is the one on my belly button... the one where my uterus and baby boy are. At least I've been able to ice it for 20 minutes at a time. And found out today that I will finally be able to soak in these amazing jacuzzis  that are all around on Tuesday at the resort we've been staying at since Friday night (yes I came up the very day after my surgery, recover at home, or recover in luxury.... what would you choose?). And yeah, the reason I didn't know when I'd be able to get my incisions wet is because I never got any discharge instructions from the surgery, only L&D.... odd I know! So I have called the hospital a few times, but today I actually needed to go in to the Park City instacare since I was pretty sure I had a UTI.... lovely! And I was right. So I started on antibiotic and took advantage of being able to ask the dr there about certain things. Common sense told me that I shouldn't be getting them wet... just didn't know for how long. And I'd already been told I can't be lifting anything over 20 lbs for about a month.... yup, sorry Em! So far we've had enough help that I have been fine... only thing I worry about is when we get home from San Antonio and Steve goes back to work... but I'm sure we'll manage. 

So there you have it. Finally the swelling has begun to go down. Seriously looked like I was more like 8 months pregnant on Friday (which was the day after)

Yikes!! 

And here's the picture I took today. I am currently 21 weeks (hit that on Saturday), and now 3 days post-op and feeling pretty good other than the infection! 

Even walked all around downtown Park City today... but did have to ice my belly when we got back. And both of these pictures were taken in our amazing suite at the Westgate Lodge, courtesy of Steve's parents! We are here with most of Steve's family, minus his sister Amber and her husband Kevin in West Virginia... she feels too pregnant to travel! Anyway, more on the trip in another post... hopefully :/ I'm still really behind thanks to my obsessive photographer of a husband ;) 

The Results Are In....

With a measly total of 34 votes, girls beat out boys by 2 votes (18 to 16).... wish we'd had more people care to vote, but that's just the way it goes. Also I would say I don't count about 3 of those votes since Steve cheated the system ;) 

We were coy about telling people when we were actually finding out since we wouldn't be sharing it until the next day. But at 7 pm we walked into the Dr's office to see what this sweet baby would be. 

The face was actually the first thing we saw :) Made me cry. Em waved to us the first time we saw her on screen, and this time we got "looked" at

Little legs crossed.... had me worried for just a sec that we wouldn't get a peek at the "goods" ;) But low and behold... 

No mistaking! 

Y'all were wrong.... just saying!

Outside the dr.'s office after the ultrasound..... I even wore my blue shirt!


So as I mentioned before, we waited until the next day to let everyone know what we found out. My cousin Alexis (2 months older than me) is also expecting and is just a week or two behind me. She also found out what she was having the next day.... which is why we waited, so that we could do a fun reveal together. Alexis came up with the idea to fill a black garbage bag with either pink or blue balloons and release them at the same time with the family gathered around. Only problem was that Lexi's appointment was kind of late and we didn't want the reveal to be really late, so I said that I would buy the balloons after my appointment. I knew the color I needed and then just got 5 of each for Alexis. I put all of the balloons in the garbage sacks before we headed over to my grandparents, so that everything would be all ready. I put the 2 for Lexi in the storage room of the basement and told her that I had marked the one with blue balloons with a small marker mark on the knot of the tie so that she wouldn't have to try and open them to know which was which. And the rest is history...

Steve posted this picture on my Facebook wall shortly after with the caption that said, "Emarie was right!" Because just the day before when I was getting her up in the morning I had asked her if she thought she was going to have a baby brother... or, but before I could finish, she very boldly and clearly said, "I do!" So she knew it was a brother all along! 

Someone had also asked in a comment on Facebook on the above picture why we were releasing balloons, and one of my dear friends (an affected young adult of ch18 actually) stated that she thought we were doing it for my sister..... how sweet is that? And I didn't even think of that! Even more special because my cousin too has lost a sibling to a car wreck, her brother Brooks. 

Blue balloons all around! We will have 2 baby boys only a couple weeks apart! So fun, especially since we live so close to each other, and grew up together ourselves! And NO the pregnancies were not planned.... do people really realize what they are actually asking when they ask this??! And neither of us knew what were in the other's bags! So it was really fun!

And here's the video of the whole thing. And I must feel the need to defend myself here because I got so frustrated that mine didn't come out at the same time.... plus the hormones (I suggest turning the sound way down)! Haha!

I have already bought some clothes of course! Actually the first thing I bought was from some generous Kohl's cash that one of my fellow ch18 mom's sent to me (she lives in Canada and just went shopping there when they were visiting the states recently, and knew that she wouldn't use it before it expired without having one near her).... but seriously, how lucky am I?! Unfortunately they expired before we would find out, so I bought myself some maternity jeans and a maternity cami for layering (since all my regular ones are not working out too well anymore!) and then a generic layette set. But the day after we found out, I took the layette back and got one that screamed a little more boy than yellow ducks ;) 

I have since bought this little number online to save on some shipping for a dress I got for me :) It isn't here yet, but here's what it looks like... and boy am I excited for this one!

Now who says shopping for boys is no fun??!

And here's the most recent belly shot of me. Taken between 16 and 17 weeks on Father's Day

And can't go without adding a picture of the the whole reason we stopped to take pictures in the first place! 

Em and her wonderful daddy! 

Em's 4/5 and No Hospitalization Celebration Event!

As you can see, I am slowly getting caught up on the blog.... this one backdated to June *YIKES* But bear with me, since it's not easy moving while very pregnant, and yes I am still battling the inevitable morning sickness.... but more like all day sickness in my case! And contracting off and on as well.... but life as we know it. And yes, I will still get to all the details of our move later on once I'm caught up with everything else that's still behind! 

So moving on.... 

Since Em didn't have a birthday party for her fourth birthday because of her second hip surgery, and we're not sure about giving her one this year for her fifth because we'll have a brand new baby and we're not sure about all the germs with RSV season, plus we'll still be a little chaotic with adjusting to 2, but Oh how wonderful all at the same time! We also realized we had never done anything to celebrate her going a year without an unplanned hospital stay, we figured we better do something BIG for it all! 

I have always been jealous of the mom's whose kids can have nice summer, outside parties! So if we celebrate on Em's half birthday, which is June 24, there you have it! I really wanted to reserve a pavilion at a park and get a big inflatable water slide and have a water party. But the park idea was out because they needed more notice and permits to get a bounce house rental. So Steve's parents offered their backyard, but that would limit the size we could get, so when contacting businesses about their rentals... none of them knew the dimensions of any of their rentals! Except one place that said they had them set up in their on site facility and I could come look at them anytime.... which is what we did when Steve got off work that day, and lo and behold, we just decided it would be best to pay the same amount for one rental and instead rent out their facility with ALL of their rentals! 

Turned out to be a BIG hit and I think all the kids and even adults that came had a lot of fun! We had two Chromosome 18 families join us.... the Harpers came all the way from Logan! And the Howe's came from Kaysville! We are so grateful that they all traveled so far to be part of this celebration, especially since it was in their honor as well! You see, we asked that instead of people bringing presents (since she really doesn't need anything these days), that people donate rather what they would have spent on a present, and that money was going straight to the Chromosome 18 Registry and Research Society. We also included a little about a fellow Chromosome 18 mom Mandi Fisher who recently passed away unexpectedly from an aortic aneurysm, leaving behind her husband Jason and 2 (almost 3) year old daughter Kenzie who has that same crazy 18q- like Emarie. We thought it would be nice to honor her with our celebration as well and have the donations be as much for her as for Em since that is how her family wanted her honored as well. 

Of course Em had a few presents, because grandparents got to do both! But we told them the only thing they could get her was more furniture for her dollhouse, which is what you'll see her opening. Em was very good to put donations in the box herself and we were able to send $250 to the office later! Not bad!! 

Anyway, on with the good part.... the videos and pictures, which of course will be shown in slideshow form.... what else ;) 

Enjoy! 

Remember, 720 p and full screen for optimum viewing! 

And here's a picture of Em placing her donation checks in the mail at the post office, so cute! 

Hogle Zoo

We had the opportunity to once again go to the zoo in Salt Lake. Em has been lucky to go at least once a year since she was about 15 months old. A couple of those trips can be seen here and here.

This time was the first time we got to go with any of Steve's side of the family. The visit consisted of me and Em, grandma Debbie and aunt Rachelle, and then aunt Kristal and her two girls, Isabel and Ariana.

It was insanely crowded for a weekday for some reason... maybe because the weather report had stated that this would be the coolest temps we'd see for awhile! And sad when 87 is cool!! We had such a hard time finding a place to park, and ended up having to park on the side of the road. We still had a lot of fun though, and it was some good exercise for my expanding body!

Here's the slideshow of course! (Easiest display when you have both pictures and video!)

A Father's Birth Perspective (Em's Birth Story from Steve)

This is a Father's Day surprise for Steve. He knows I have read this, but I don't think he knew I had it.... so hopefully he doesn't get mad at me for sharing it. I thought it was beautiful though, and such a nice thing for me to see from someone that was there too, but not in the same "state" I was in. 

So here it is  

I have heard it said that having a child born with a disability is like losing a child, losing the child that you imagined you would have had. Losing the ballerina, the football player, all the dreams you had for your child are suddenly dashed into pieces. You have to mourn the loss of that child before you can learn to love the precious child you have before you. I understand why someone would feel this way, maybe that is the right way to feel, but I really don’t think I felt this way when Emarie was born.

The events leading up to Emarie birth was very stressful and hard on Alisha. You can read more about the delivery here. We were both exhausted by the time Emarie was born. I will never forget the first few minutes after Emarie was born…it was the worst moment of my life followed by the best.

Emarie had swallowed some meconium and was not breathing when she was born. She was rushed to the table where they tried vacuuming out her lungs to get her to start breathing. I was videotaping them as they did this. More and more time went by, they couldn’t get the tube down her throat, she wasn’t breathing or crying and she was looking really limp. I had this horrible feeling come over me and I thought I was recording her dying. I didn’t know if I should stop recording or if I should keep recording the last few minutes of her life. I will never get over the despair I felt at that moment, it really felt like my world was collapsing around me and I couldn't breathe. You can’t really imagine the contrast of how happy I felt when she started breathing. The love I feel for Emarie started at that moment.

After a short hug from mommy, Emarie was taken to the NICU. It was many hours before we were able to see her again. The Nurses told us right away that Emarie had a cleft of her hard and soft palate, which was why they were having a hard time vacuuming out her lungs, and that it looked like she had clubbed feet. This really didn’t bother us at all because of what we had just been through; I was just so happy that she was alive.

Finally the pediatrician came to talk to us, she said she was sorry because she had to deliver some bad news. She wanted us to know that Emarie had multiple birth defects; she had a cleft of the hard and soft palate, clubbed feet, and a hole in her heart. Because of all this and some facial characteristics she was sure Emarie had Down syndrome. It really bugged me that she thought we would take this so hard. I asked her if Emarie was stable and why we couldn’t see her. She wanted us to have the information about Down syndrome before we saw her, like maybe we wouldn’t want her or something. I just really wanted to see her, to be able to hold her. I was very concerned about her heart, but when I was able to hold her, I could tell she was a fighter and that she would be alright. At that point I really had no idea how lucky I was to be Emarie’s dad.

And just wanted to share the picture I made for the DIG FB page this morning

This picture was taken by my best friend Lacey Olsen... we cherish the pictures she has taken of our family! Thanks Lace! 

Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads I know!

The Story of How Baby #2 Came to Be

This post is a bit hard for me to write, which is why I've put it off so long. I think the reason for that is because I feel vulnerable about all of it, and that I'm still at the beginning of this "unattainable dream" that could fleet from my fingers at any moment. I think it was easier to breathe a sigh relief at the last doctors appointment where I once again heard that reaffirming sound of my sweet baby's hearbeat, and knowing that I am now considered past the "safe point". So, now I'll get on with it. 

I had gone off birth control long before this happened for us. We knew with the fact that I was on such a high dose of hormones in my birth control to help control frequent cysts and onset of endometriosis, that it might take awhile. My doctor had told me that it could take at least 4-6 months to get pregnant, if at all.... but we were well over a year later and it still hadn't happened, and honestly I had quit expecting it to happen anymore. When the year mark had come and past, I thought about going back to my doctor, but honestly I was afraid.... I was afraid of what she might tell me, I was afraid of fertility clinics, but mostly I was afraid that they would find nothing wrong and I would be left to wonder why. So, I put it off, but it nagged at me.... and nagged. So a few months later I went ahead and made an appointment, I was overdue for my yearly exam anyway. 

My doctor expressed concern as well that it had been nearly 16 months with no pregnancy. She suggested we run some blood-work first, since hormone deficiency is the most common and easiest to treat for infertility. The fact that my cycle has only been lasting between 24-26 days, made her think it more likely that I could have a hormone deficiency, and most likely with a cycle that short it was slim I was even ovulating at all. She still did give me some brochures for some fertility clinics, which I hoped I would never have to use. 2 reasons for that... first being that we would spend a whole lot of money and still not get a baby, the other being that our likelihood of multiples is already high... and with our luck, I could see us having 5 :/ Still, I walked out of the office with a little bit of hope and an order to get some blood work, which I did that very day. 

A week later I was called by my doctor's office saying they had my results and wanted me to come in as soon as I could. I hoped that meant "good news" if they weren't sharing it over the phone. An hour later Em and I sat down in my doctor's office as she pulled out her notes to discuss the results of my previous blood-work. As we had hoped, it showed I had a significant deficiency in progesterone, which was a super easy fix and most likely to blame for my short cycle and lack in pregnancy. She didn't think it necessary that I begin the medication right away, rather wait until the middle of my cycle, around the time I could be ovulating, which would be around the 16th day of my cycle. This was a Thursday, I should be starting on Saturday. So I was eager and elated that this could finally happen for us. I prayed in the car that day, prayed very hard and long.... didn't expect that prayer to be answered so fast! 

Saturday came and went, but my "monthly gift" never came. Not too surprising, I had been late once before since I stopped birth control, and like I'd said I'd quit expecting any other reason for being late.... but I was, and when the end of Sunday came and I still hadn't started, I decided I'd get a pregnancy test to take in the morning, just for my own sanity. Because this was really late, most of the time it came early, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a test. Sunday was April Fool's day, and Steve thought it would be funny for us to do what a lot of other people were doing and that was to announce a pregnancy.... I thought it would be cruel though, since I thought a lot of people would really take that to heart and be so happy for us, only to be shot down. 

Monday, April 2nd is when I took the first test. I got up in the morning and took a test, waited the 3 minutes and it was negative.... or so I thought ;) Wasn't surprised, of course a little disappointed, but I had been getting better at pushing that disappointment away. I even forgot about it... but then it was Wednesday and I was now 5 days late, so when Em woke up at her almost usual time of 5 am, I decided to take the other test that was in the box, so that that way I could call my doctor to find out what was going on since I was sure this one would be negative as well. 3 short minutes later, I looked at the test to see the same result as before.... negative.... hmm, but then wait.... I think I've been reading this wrong! I've been looking for a + sign all along, and this test says right here that 2 lines indicate a positive result..... 2 lines? I have 2 very bold lines, and come to think of it, so did the last test. I'm pregnant.... I honestly can't believe it. But it must be true, because I have apparently had 2 positive tests telling me so.

I tried to go back to sleep for another hour, but I was too excited to sleep, and I didn't want to wake Steve yet since that's what I had done at more like 4 in the morning when I found out about Em, and I think he had wished I'd waited until later ;) So instead I came out to the living room and laid on the couch and just reveled in my own excitement.

First thoughts- honestly my very first thought that moment was: "I get to do this again, I get to have another shot." Now please don't get me wrong here, Emarie coming to this world is one of the best things that ever happened to me. It's just that her delivery was just such a traumatic moment, full of fear, worry and unknown.... not how it was supposed to be. I felt cheated out of the whole "first birth" experience. So much so that I still have a hard time hearing other people's birth stories, seeing pictures or videos. And I know others have had harder experiences than even I did, and of course those who can't have children on their own, and I am sensitive to that, believe me! So that was my first thought, that I would have that chance again.

My next thought was a little more panicked, "I've never breastfed a baby, I don't even really know how to feed a baby.... how am I going to do this when they'll think I know what I'm doing since I already have a child??" This thought was made evident further down the road when my niece (who's 16 months old) came up to me wanting one of the chips I was eating, and I told her no since I wasn't sure if she could eat them. I later found out from her mom that she was fine to eat chips.... see, typical baby dummy here! But Steve was quick to point out that it would be fine and we would learn along the way like first time parents..... sort of ;)  

That morning before Steve got in the shower, I sent him this message.... 

Corny I know, but keep in mind I hadn't had much sleep! 

That very day, I made a call for a high-risk OB (doctor's recommendation since I have had a few miscarriages and Em's pregnancy and labor were rather difficult), and luckily they fit me in the very next day with the nurse practitioner. First of all, they confirmed my pregnancy, but expressed concern that I was already having pelvic pain and cramping.... they wanted to make sure I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy with my history, so I went in for my very first ultrasound that evening. Being as I was no more than 5 weeks, they couldn't really see much even by the less than traditional way :S (sorry didn't want to be too graphic.... some of you will probably know what I mean though). So I was then sent next door for more blood-work to check my HCG levels. Next day I tried calling the Doctor's office since I hadn't heard from them yet, and they said a nurse would be calling me with an hour. Not even 10 minutes later I got a call, but not from the nurse, but from the actual doctor whom I haven't even seen yet.... that scared me a bit! She mentioned that my levels looked great for a pregnancy that would be indicative of 5 weeks, her concern though was that I might actually be further along (8-9 weeks) and it actually was implanted somewhere else which would produce some low HCG levels. So she wanted me to repeat the test every other day for the next 2 weeks, possibly repeat an ultrasound in a week, which I did and thankfully we could see the sac was in the uterus, but couldn't see a heartbeat yet... so repeat the blood test for a little longer, then I had another ultrasound nearing the 9 week mark, where there was definitely a heartbeat! Also had a Dr's appointment the next week and we heard the heartbeat with the doppler for the first time :) Here's a little video Steve put together of that

Ok, so next up will be the details of when we told family and photos and videos from the reactions and FYI the video above was done after we'd told our families, but before we had announced it on the blog or Facebook.... so to be continued :)