The Tree

It was maybe a few days.... maybe a few weeks after the darkest day in mine and my family's lives. Late September 1994, some neighbors, also parents of my sister's little friends knocked on our door, one of them holding a tiny tree in a pot. They told us they would like to plant this tree in honor of our sweet Breanne. We were touched, but had no idea that it would continue to aid in the healing of our hearts. 

September 13, 1995 we heard voices out front, I looked out the window and saw same said parents along with their kids decorating the tree with ribbons. An honoring of the anniversary of her death. We were honored. It continued for at least the next 3 years. 

We began plans to move away from that house that had been our home for more than 10 years when I was finishing up junior high in 1998. It occurred to us that we would have to leave the tree behind and we were deeply saddened by it. My parents told the people buying our house what the tree meant to us and that if they ever felt the need to remove it, we would transport it to where we lived. They didn't think they would ever want to remove it, so we moved on hoping it would be well taken care of. 

About a year after we moved, we found out that the new owners of our old house did decide they didn't want the tree anymore.... but sadly the cost of transporting it was out of the realm of possibility, we had to accept the fact that we would need to let it go, even though we were devastated by the idea. We drove by our old stomping grounds from time to time, we still had friends in that neighborhood after all, and were always surprised to see the tree still standing tall and growing even taller. Years went by and it was always still there, we began to believe that they had changed their minds and our "Bre Tree" would remain. 

This past spring, I was in the neighborhood I basically grew up in again visiting one of my best friends. I had my camera with me and decided I needed a picture of "Bre Tree" since I hadn't seen it in awhile and really don't know how much longer it will really be there since I have no idea who is living in "our" house anymore. I had failed on more than one occasion to try to get a picture when there was no one around.... but I chanced it again and luckily not a soul in sight! I parked the car across the street just in case and snapped as fast as I could. It's amazing how this tree can still take my breath away with how much it has grown! 

I remember when it was first planted, it was as tall as me. It may not be the best looking tree, or the coolest.... but it will always be my favorite tree. It is to me new growth and hope in place of the doubt and despair that came the day she left this world. 

Keep growing "Bre Tree" 

#16 and WOW, Some Good News for Once!

So little miss Emarie had her 16th surgery yesterday. Pretty minor one in our books- just a little ear opening (have to widen her tiny canals each time they put new tubes in), new tubes and a sleep endoscopy. This was all after the dreaded news in this post and the sleep study in this post. 

My brave girl showing no fear as usual in the waiting room

After vitals, dressed and ready to go... still no fear! 

Then came a long wait.... she was supposed to go back by 10:30 and she didn't until close to 12! Which wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't need to get home and clean! We had people coming to look at our apartment that evening and since I'd been having contractions and feeling crumby pretty much since we got back from the trip, I hadn't gotten much done to say the least!  But finally the anesthesiologist came to get my girl.... 

I think maybe she's getting a bit big for them to carry.... 

After that, I quickly got checked in in the waiting area, I ran downstairs to grab something for me and baby boy since it was already lunch time (thought we'd be home in time for lunch!). Then hurried back up since they expected her surgery to take between 45 minutes to an hour. I still wasn't even finished eating when Dr. Muntz came in to say that he'd finished. Everything went well and he was actually surprised by the endoscopy results..... He had my full attention here! Turns out that where he originally thought her obstructions were, mainly her underdeveloped upper jaw and nasal area..... Not it though! And he told me he was a little worried when it all looked good there, that maybe he'd been wrong and that her apnea is in fact central.... I got a little worried here!... But he kept going and then he found her problem, a "floppy voice box" coupled with an "enlarged tongue"..... bottom line is a MUCH, MUCH easier and less invasive fix than a facial reconstruction, but yes she'll still need surgery. But not nearly as bad! Still will need to be admitted afterward, possibly even to the PICU for a bit because it's treated much like a tonsil and adenoid removal.... and well, that didn't go so well for her :/

But all in all a much better outcome that what we were expecting! My first thought when I was told about a facial reconstruction was that I did not want my beautiful girl's face to change..... the face that I've known for well over four years, the face that I kiss endlessly and look at and wonder how she got to be so beautiful. Maybe this is silly, but the fact remained that her tiny nose and small jaw are very much a part of that face that I love, and I was really sad that they were going to change. Now I don't have to worry about that. She will always be my Em of course... but I love her just the way she is! It truly is a miracle that they did not find the obstruction in her palate! Prayers work, hope and faith are real! Especially with our kid who always seems to find her way into the smallest percentages and the most unlikely scenarios.... needing 2 varus osteotomies is proof of that! 

Now after Dr. Muntz left it had been kind of awhile and no one had called me back still to go see her in PACU. And just when I was about to get worried, there was a phone call..... a phone call? It was the nurse in PACU, who said Em was doing just fine SAT-wise, she just was not waking up, so it would still be a bit before they called me. So I decided to get her something for when she woke up, and no I wasn't worried. The anesthesiologist had warned that they were going to use a different method to get her to sleep because of the endoscopy, a method that induced more of a natural sleep and therefor was a little harder to wake from. 

Cute little doll and butterfly balloon from the gift shop

Finally they called me to go back and turns out she was already in recovery when I got back there! Still not quite alert, so she wasn't quite as excited about her presents as I thought she'd be...

And this was pretty much how she was the rest of the time we spent in recovery..... and the hour ride home! But once we were home, she was back to her usual Em self! During said car ride, Dr. Muntz's scheduler called me to set up the next surgery, so we're set for October 3rd. And while we had people looking at our apartment, we went to dinner at Cafe Rio with daddy

And she laughed the whole time we were there! We were celebrating the good news from the surgery and the fact that she had lost one marble at this point.... she lost the other later that night as already mentioned in the last post. 

20 uhh... 23 Week Ultrasound and Marble Scare

The week that I hit 20 weeks, the ultrasonographer did not have any appointments late enough for Steve to be there, and the following week, which was the week of the 24th (Utah's birthday) she was out of town, which only left us with being able to do it when we got back from San Antonio (and yes, I know I should be blogging about that first, but I have about 3 posts still before that one and hopefully once we're moved I will get caught up... and yes, more about the move later too!). So 2 days after we got home, we had our "big ultrasound". 

We picked up daddy from work and then all went to dinner somewhere near the hospital which ended up being Arby's. 

Em's been watching the Olympics with us and really enjoying it! Especially running and gymnastics... and diving. Anyway, she started doing the hands in the air thing around the same time.. so there you have it! When wanting to acknowledge an accomplishment, she raises her arms in the air, pretty funny!

Did you notice the "missionary photo bomber" in the background?? We thought that was pretty funny later, didn't notice he was looking right at the camera (phone) when I took it! 

After dinner, we headed to the appointment. Our little guy is doing well! Not measuring quite as big anymore, though my uterus is still measuring a bit big... so who knows! 

 Ultrasonographer pointed out his defined bicep! 

 Our sweet baby! 

He likes to look at us 

Isn't amazing how much you can love someone you never met! 

After the appointment, we headed to Steve's parents house to see them since we hadn't since we'd been back. Thought it would be nice to show them the video and pictures from the ultrasound too. 

There is a toy that they have that is Em's absolute favorite! In fact she starts asking for it right when we walk in the door! She has been playing with it for years without ever having a problem.... until that evening.... 

We were just getting ready to go, when Steve laid Em down to change her diaper and I noticed her struggling and then going purple.... and then I freaked because I knew she was choking on a marble, I got to her as fast as I could and Steve sat her up.... and at this point everyone had come to the room. It seemed like it took forever, but she finally coughed and then started crying. Another moment to add to the list of "scariest moments of my life". She kept grabbing in her mouth and at her throat though, so we didn't hesitate to take her to the hospital that is right around the corner from their house. Subsequently it is the same hospital where my sister died, and I haven't been there since. Needless to say, it was a little hard on me... 

However....

By this time, Em was pretty much back to herself... 

Just reading a magazine here.... 

Got her back and their first initiative was of course to do an x-ray. Most people I know were thinking we were overreacting.... but she did choke on them.... and she is unique in every aspect! Key one being here... her digestive system. She has issues, and when I say issues, I mean issues. She does not digest things well or without some kind of help every day. So, to say the least, I was almost as worried about her digesting them, as I was about her swallowing them.... almost. 

 Still doing the Olympic Arms... proud of herself I suppose ;)

And daddy taking on my usual role as baby boy and I wait behind the safety glass

After the x-rays, we were sent back to the room to wait where Em and Steve went about their usual business

yeah, don't ask ;)

After a few minutes the Dr came in and told us they didn't find one marble..... they found two!! Yup, two round perfect objects making their way to her abdomen. He told us we should expect their exit in about 48 hours..... haha, yeah right! But he wanted us to watch her and follow up with the pediatrician if in a couple days she hadn't passed them. And then we headed home... 

I checked on her a lot that night! But every time, this is the way I found her... peacefully and soundly asleep! And ten fold, that blanket on Em is the very blanket they placed on my sister at that hospital nearly 18 years ago. Bittersweet. 

Now the reason I waited on this post is because I knew people would be asking if those marbles were still in her.... so that is why I did it tonight. As of tonight which is 8 days later, this girl has finally "lost her marbles", pun intended ;) 

And yeah, seems like this girl is already set out to upstage her brother! 

Park City with the Peters' Clan 2012

Once again we got to enjoy the Westgate Lodge and Spa in Park City with Steve's family. We also went last year, but it was in October, you can read about that time here. But the time we went before that was when I was pregnant with Em! 

We are so lucky that Steve's parents have invested in this place for all of us! This year it consisted of a presidential suite with a kitchen, large common room, 2 bedrooms and bathrooms in the main suite, and then 2 smaller rooms that each had a bedroom bathroom and small kitchen. PLUS they had two more separate suites, one large and one small. All in all, plenty of room, plus more to spare!! We had a few visitors both family and friends throughout the week. Steve's youngest brothers Mike and Cory were with us for the first weekend, but then they went on a hiking/camping trip with an old scout leader, so we invited the scout leader's wife and four kids to come up, so you will see their kids in the slideshow below. 

One of the best things about the presidential suite was the hot tub on the deck again! A little different this time around when it was actually still pretty warm outside! So we mostly used it at night... and with the heat turned town! Which worked out for the little girls and me being pregnant..... although I couldn't enjoy it until about 5 days after we got there due to my gallbladder surgery. Yeah, we went up just the night after my surgery! But I could either lay around and try and recover at home with no help for Em when Steve was at work (and I wasn't supposed to be lifting her), or recover in luxury with help all around! Easy choice in my book! 

I could go on more, but I'll just let the videos and pictures speak for themselves! Oh and keep in mind that the pictures that I look like the walking dead were when I was still recovering. Couldn't take a shower for the first couple days and was having a hard time even getting up, though I DID! Friday and Saturday, I just tried not to be in pictures at all, but Sunday was when I finally started to feel back to myself, was able to shower and I got ready and went out! 

First I will share a couple pictures that uncle Mike got, since we forgot to include them in the slideshow, but Mike is quite the photographer as well! 

 I had called to ask the Dr if it was ok for me to ice my incision on my belly-button (since that was the only one giving me any pain.... probably because of the pressure of my uterus and baby boy!), and she said it was ok for 20 minute incraments, she then suggested that my hubby give me a back rub, to which he complied, and then cute as could be, Em wanted to help too! FYI, this was Saturday, so yes still not back to the land of the living ;) 

Big smiles from my cute girl! Uncle Mike catches them better than us! 

And here's the rest of the pictures and videos in the slideshow!

Remember 720p and full screen for optimum viewing!

Thanks again mom and dad (Stan and Debbie) for this wonderful vacation! 

Who Needs a Gallbladder Anyway?! *Squeamish BEWARE!

As most of you know, I recently had my gallbladder removed, 3 days ago to be exact. I have had ongoing problems with my gallbladder for 3+ years. The doctor I dealt with before though did not think it necessary to remove since I didn't have the presence of stones..... however the doctor that took it out said it showed years of disease and should have been taken out a long time ago. I also did have stones this time, thanks to baby boy probably. 

My first attack during the pregnancy was probably around 13 or 14 weeks, though I wasn't sure that's what it was then, I am now. I went to the ER for one that lasted a good 2 days when I was 16 weeks, and there is where they referred me again to a surgeon. The surgeon was pretty sure it would need to come out one way or another.... either now in my second trimester, or right after the baby is born.... like we're talking a week after *doesn't give me much time to recover from birth, would it?!* I was fine to wait since I really didn't want to do anything to jeopardize this rare pregnancy of mine. However, after talking to my OB, she was pretty sure she wanted me to get it out now. She thought it would only get worse, and that the attacks would come more frequently and be worse than they already were (and they were already pretty bad), they cannot remove it in the third trimester. She made me promise that I would reconsider getting it taken out if I had another attack. That didn't take long... the very next Friday I had an attack that lasted well through the weekend. Even though I had been very careful with what I was eating (low fat diet). When I called the surgeons office, they were fine to take it out right away.... the very next day actually. 

Originally they gave me a check-in time of 12:30, which I thought would be hard with fasting from midnight. But that morning they called a little before 7 am and said they'd had some cancellations and asked if I could be there at 8.... and we took it! 

They did some bloodwork and such first, and it was probably about 10 before they wheeled me back to the OR. I was grateful that Steve was able to be off work and be with me. The time it said on the clock when I finally opened my eyes was about 11:45. 

Before the surgery, it had been decided that when I was out of recovery they wanted me to be monitored in Labor & Delivery for a few hours afterward. So at about 12:30, we met Steve in the hallway and headed up the elevator to L&D. I wasn't really aware of any pain at first, probably because I was still groggy and numb from the anesthesia, so I declined anything for pain, especially through an IV at that point. They wanted to make sure that I could eat something and keep it down... liquids only though, so the nurse brought in a menu. I decided on some chicken broth and an orange italian ice, which was really good. She had brought in some crackers and Sprite before then, which were hard to eat with how dried out my mouth was. So I guzzled two sprites and then two waters. And by then my food was there. Halfway through eating I vomited, so I waited a little while before trying again. They also wanted me to be able to go to the bathroom on my own, otherwise they'd have to place a catheter and I would have to stay the night. First 3 attempts were unsuccessful, but I still had time before they wanted me to go home anyway (they wanted me there for at least 4 hours). It was at this point that I finally accepted Steve's offer to see "the pictures".

Now here's the squeamish part.... sorry! 

First off, here's what a healthy gallbladder should look like

And this was mine....

Anyone still want to debate whether I should have had this organ out?!..... No?? Didn't think so! 

So after I was finally able to relieve my bladder and keep some liquids down, they said I was good to go home, exactly at 4 pm. Steve and I stopped at Article Circle on the way home to get me a chocolate malt, and right before we pulled in, I had to use the sick back I had in my lap.... but I still wanted the shake ;) At home, went to sleep for awhile and Steve went to get Emarie from his parent's house and get my prescriptions filled. I admit I broke down and have taken a few of the Loritab that they prescribed, but they told me I could take 2 every four hours, and I've only been doing about 1 every six... and that's only if the pain is really bad. I'd say I've only had one in the last 48 hours, and it was yesterday morning. 

So I have a total of 4 incisions. The only one that really bothers me is the one on my belly button... the one where my uterus and baby boy are. At least I've been able to ice it for 20 minutes at a time. And found out today that I will finally be able to soak in these amazing jacuzzis  that are all around on Tuesday at the resort we've been staying at since Friday night (yes I came up the very day after my surgery, recover at home, or recover in luxury.... what would you choose?). And yeah, the reason I didn't know when I'd be able to get my incisions wet is because I never got any discharge instructions from the surgery, only L&D.... odd I know! So I have called the hospital a few times, but today I actually needed to go in to the Park City instacare since I was pretty sure I had a UTI.... lovely! And I was right. So I started on antibiotic and took advantage of being able to ask the dr there about certain things. Common sense told me that I shouldn't be getting them wet... just didn't know for how long. And I'd already been told I can't be lifting anything over 20 lbs for about a month.... yup, sorry Em! So far we've had enough help that I have been fine... only thing I worry about is when we get home from San Antonio and Steve goes back to work... but I'm sure we'll manage. 

So there you have it. Finally the swelling has begun to go down. Seriously looked like I was more like 8 months pregnant on Friday (which was the day after)

Yikes!! 

And here's the picture I took today. I am currently 21 weeks (hit that on Saturday), and now 3 days post-op and feeling pretty good other than the infection! 

Even walked all around downtown Park City today... but did have to ice my belly when we got back. And both of these pictures were taken in our amazing suite at the Westgate Lodge, courtesy of Steve's parents! We are here with most of Steve's family, minus his sister Amber and her husband Kevin in West Virginia... she feels too pregnant to travel! Anyway, more on the trip in another post... hopefully :/ I'm still really behind thanks to my obsessive photographer of a husband ;) 

The Results Are In....

With a measly total of 34 votes, girls beat out boys by 2 votes (18 to 16).... wish we'd had more people care to vote, but that's just the way it goes. Also I would say I don't count about 3 of those votes since Steve cheated the system ;) 

We were coy about telling people when we were actually finding out since we wouldn't be sharing it until the next day. But at 7 pm we walked into the Dr's office to see what this sweet baby would be. 

The face was actually the first thing we saw :) Made me cry. Em waved to us the first time we saw her on screen, and this time we got "looked" at

Little legs crossed.... had me worried for just a sec that we wouldn't get a peek at the "goods" ;) But low and behold... 

No mistaking! 

Y'all were wrong.... just saying!

Outside the dr.'s office after the ultrasound..... I even wore my blue shirt!


So as I mentioned before, we waited until the next day to let everyone know what we found out. My cousin Alexis (2 months older than me) is also expecting and is just a week or two behind me. She also found out what she was having the next day.... which is why we waited, so that we could do a fun reveal together. Alexis came up with the idea to fill a black garbage bag with either pink or blue balloons and release them at the same time with the family gathered around. Only problem was that Lexi's appointment was kind of late and we didn't want the reveal to be really late, so I said that I would buy the balloons after my appointment. I knew the color I needed and then just got 5 of each for Alexis. I put all of the balloons in the garbage sacks before we headed over to my grandparents, so that everything would be all ready. I put the 2 for Lexi in the storage room of the basement and told her that I had marked the one with blue balloons with a small marker mark on the knot of the tie so that she wouldn't have to try and open them to know which was which. And the rest is history...

Steve posted this picture on my Facebook wall shortly after with the caption that said, "Emarie was right!" Because just the day before when I was getting her up in the morning I had asked her if she thought she was going to have a baby brother... or, but before I could finish, she very boldly and clearly said, "I do!" So she knew it was a brother all along! 

Someone had also asked in a comment on Facebook on the above picture why we were releasing balloons, and one of my dear friends (an affected young adult of ch18 actually) stated that she thought we were doing it for my sister..... how sweet is that? And I didn't even think of that! Even more special because my cousin too has lost a sibling to a car wreck, her brother Brooks. 

Blue balloons all around! We will have 2 baby boys only a couple weeks apart! So fun, especially since we live so close to each other, and grew up together ourselves! And NO the pregnancies were not planned.... do people really realize what they are actually asking when they ask this??! And neither of us knew what were in the other's bags! So it was really fun!

And here's the video of the whole thing. And I must feel the need to defend myself here because I got so frustrated that mine didn't come out at the same time.... plus the hormones (I suggest turning the sound way down)! Haha!

I have already bought some clothes of course! Actually the first thing I bought was from some generous Kohl's cash that one of my fellow ch18 mom's sent to me (she lives in Canada and just went shopping there when they were visiting the states recently, and knew that she wouldn't use it before it expired without having one near her).... but seriously, how lucky am I?! Unfortunately they expired before we would find out, so I bought myself some maternity jeans and a maternity cami for layering (since all my regular ones are not working out too well anymore!) and then a generic layette set. But the day after we found out, I took the layette back and got one that screamed a little more boy than yellow ducks ;) 

I have since bought this little number online to save on some shipping for a dress I got for me :) It isn't here yet, but here's what it looks like... and boy am I excited for this one!

Now who says shopping for boys is no fun??!

And here's the most recent belly shot of me. Taken between 16 and 17 weeks on Father's Day

And can't go without adding a picture of the the whole reason we stopped to take pictures in the first place! 

Em and her wonderful daddy! 

Em's 4/5 and No Hospitalization Celebration Event!

As you can see, I am slowly getting caught up on the blog.... this one backdated to June *YIKES* But bear with me, since it's not easy moving while very pregnant, and yes I am still battling the inevitable morning sickness.... but more like all day sickness in my case! And contracting off and on as well.... but life as we know it. And yes, I will still get to all the details of our move later on once I'm caught up with everything else that's still behind! 

So moving on.... 

Since Em didn't have a birthday party for her fourth birthday because of her second hip surgery, and we're not sure about giving her one this year for her fifth because we'll have a brand new baby and we're not sure about all the germs with RSV season, plus we'll still be a little chaotic with adjusting to 2, but Oh how wonderful all at the same time! We also realized we had never done anything to celebrate her going a year without an unplanned hospital stay, we figured we better do something BIG for it all! 

I have always been jealous of the mom's whose kids can have nice summer, outside parties! So if we celebrate on Em's half birthday, which is June 24, there you have it! I really wanted to reserve a pavilion at a park and get a big inflatable water slide and have a water party. But the park idea was out because they needed more notice and permits to get a bounce house rental. So Steve's parents offered their backyard, but that would limit the size we could get, so when contacting businesses about their rentals... none of them knew the dimensions of any of their rentals! Except one place that said they had them set up in their on site facility and I could come look at them anytime.... which is what we did when Steve got off work that day, and lo and behold, we just decided it would be best to pay the same amount for one rental and instead rent out their facility with ALL of their rentals! 

Turned out to be a BIG hit and I think all the kids and even adults that came had a lot of fun! We had two Chromosome 18 families join us.... the Harpers came all the way from Logan! And the Howe's came from Kaysville! We are so grateful that they all traveled so far to be part of this celebration, especially since it was in their honor as well! You see, we asked that instead of people bringing presents (since she really doesn't need anything these days), that people donate rather what they would have spent on a present, and that money was going straight to the Chromosome 18 Registry and Research Society. We also included a little about a fellow Chromosome 18 mom Mandi Fisher who recently passed away unexpectedly from an aortic aneurysm, leaving behind her husband Jason and 2 (almost 3) year old daughter Kenzie who has that same crazy 18q- like Emarie. We thought it would be nice to honor her with our celebration as well and have the donations be as much for her as for Em since that is how her family wanted her honored as well. 

Of course Em had a few presents, because grandparents got to do both! But we told them the only thing they could get her was more furniture for her dollhouse, which is what you'll see her opening. Em was very good to put donations in the box herself and we were able to send $250 to the office later! Not bad!! 

Anyway, on with the good part.... the videos and pictures, which of course will be shown in slideshow form.... what else ;) 

Enjoy! 

Remember, 720 p and full screen for optimum viewing! 

And here's a picture of Em placing her donation checks in the mail at the post office, so cute!