But, life will go on......

Things have been hard lately, to say the least. I'll start off with the fact that, I have been noticing for some time now that things are not quite right with Emarie's hips and feet. Her PT and I noticed the other day that there is definitely a discrepancy with the length of her legs. This, I know she wasn't born with, so it could only come from two things: her hips, or her spine. The worst of course being the latter. So, I reluctantly put off making the appointment, until I could no longer avoid it. I knew what the answer would be at this appointment, but does that make it any easier to hear? Short answer, no!

I love Dr. Stotts to no end! He is amazingly compassionate and understanding when it comes to Emarie. His fascination and curiosity about her conditions, do not bother me in the least bit, because he is so sweet and tactful about it. Example, asking me if it's ok if he brings in a student to see her most uniquely shaped feet. My likeness and respect grew even more for him today, when the look of concern I saw on his face (he seriously looked close to tears when delivering the information) when he told me she would need yet another surgery. He told me, he'd never seen any child's hips regress like Emarie's have in the last year. It's no wonder she doesn't like to stand when her hips are popping in and out of joint. He assured me that this is not putting her in pain, just probably very weird and uncomfortable. It is good to get an answer, but it is making me wonder....... I definitely see the benefit of getting this done while she's young, but on the latter, I keep thinking, enough is enough. This child has had 9 surgeries in her 2 short years, I just can't imagine putting her through more. But, I do see that this would be better suited now, than say 5 years down the road. And I want to help my daughter in every way possible.

Here's the hard parts, what this surgery will entail (because it will be bigger, and more elaborate than anything she's had done already):

First, it will include at least a week in the hospital. And, I'm going to be realistic, knowing my daughter, we could be looking at more like 10 days.

She will be in a "Spika" cast for about 4 weeks. For those of you that don't know what this is, it is a full pelvic cast. That means, it starts slightly below the breast bone, goes to just above the knee. There will be a rectangular sized hole for her diaper to go up inside (visualize that as you will!) The hardest part though, is how still she will have to be for those 4 weeks. It makes me cringe to think of how uncomfortable she will be, especially in the dead heat of July.

The worst yet, is Dr. Stotts said this would probably be the most painful surgery she'll ever have. The worst pain I've ever seen her in was the night after her feet surgery, he was sorry to say that this would be worse. I cried for a good 2 hours after digesting this. There is nothing worse than seeing my baby in pain, and I mean NOTHING!! I just hope you will all keep me in your prayers that I can be strong for her, because I just don't know what I'm going to do.

On a happier note, here is a recent picture of Emarie in one of the new skirts I recently bought her. This is the first time I have bought her new spring/summer clothes since the year she was born!

And yes that is really big attitude from a very little girl!

And Steve and I got to go to a Jazz game with his sister Amber and her husband Kevin

We had a lot of fun! Thanks Amber and Kevin (and Kristal and Uli, who couldn't come, so that's who's tickets we got!)

Em's latest surgery and St. Patty's day!

So, on Monday, Emarie had her 9th surgery. This was a tubal (ear) placement, as well as an ABR.

The biggest news with this, is that her ABR showed moderate hearing loss, that has nothing to do with middle ear problems like they previously thought. Which means, she will probably have to be getting hearing aides. We will know more on this when she has her next ABR in a month or so. But, otherwise, the surgery went fantastic! Emarie had absolutely the fastest recovery in post-op, only like an hour! This is really, really good for her, since usually she has problems breathing and staying awake, so we end up being there for hours. But, she woke up alert and didn't take long to be back to her laughing, happy self. She even said her latest word as she was being wheeled from post-op to recovery, which is "VA-VA-VOOOM!" The nurses thought it was very funny, which so do we!

So here's some pictures from the surgery:

Loves holding the pager!

Getting stats done

In her cute scrubs

With the anesthesiologist

In post-op, had to have her computer (thanks again Howe family!)

Had to share these pictures from today! I've been waiting and waiting for this skirt (that my mom got her before she was even born) to fit her! And the weather has been nice enough, and I figured I can make it work, even though it is an 18 month one. But, hey we're getting there!

Nevermind about that nasty bruise on her forehead, we think the I.V. tech must have been new or a student, judging by the fact that she has them all over her body!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy Birthday Steve!!

So today is Steve's 31st birthday! Yes, he is well into his 30's now! But gotta love that he doesn't look a day over 25! Or act a day over 12 for that matter!!

So the big birthday surprise were Muse tickets! Shows you how much I love this guy that I'm willing to sit through 3 hours of a band I can't stand! I also got up a little earlier and made omelets, and tonight Steve's mom is keeping Emarie, and we'll rent a movie, get a pizza, and I'm making artichoke dip! It should be a fun night in, and then April 5th is when the concert is!

Happy Birthday to the best husband and daddy ever!!

We love you!!

Update on Emarie

So, Emarie's glasses were broken a couple weeks ago (they got stepped on), and I took them in for an adjustment and was told that it was time for a new pair. So after much deliberation and browsing, I decided to spend the extra $80 for the ones that are much more flexible/durable and come with a two year replacement guarantee! They took a little more than a week to come in, but they are finally here! And she looks sooo cute in them (but who doubted she would!), and they make her look so much more grown up than the last pair, which is a little sad for mommy!

So without further ado, here they are:

If that is just not the cutest little two year old!!

Now, in other news, we had an appointment with the endo today, and there's some bad news (but don't be alarmed!), Emarie has not grown much since last time. Remember how excited we were that she was in the 20th percentile for length?? Well, she has since dropped off the charts again. On a happier note though, she has now hit the 20 lb mark, but don't get too excited about this either, she is still not on the charts for that! All this did however, make Dr. Foster realize she needed to up Em's Saizen dose quite a bit, which made us happy. Now if we could just get the darn new insurance to give us an approval so she can get back on (she has been off for close to 3 weeks)! But, she is still just as happy and chipper as ever! We so love this little girl!!

Happy Birthday Bre!!

Today, February 22nd 2010, my sweet little sister Breanne Nicole Wilde would have been 20 years old. She died a little over 15 years ago in an automobile accident just shy of her fifth birthday. So, although it pains me to try to think of what she would be like today (because in my mind and everyone that knew her, she will forever be 4 and a half), I still think it is a momentous occasion that should be celebrated.

Here is a little of how I remember my sweet sister:

There really was not more than 10 minutes that could go by in a day that you didn't hear her sweet laughter (this is one of the many reasons that Emarie reminds me of her)!

She and I were the best of friends and spent almost every moment together, going anywhere our imagination took us. Whenever I have a hard day, I still talk to her as though she were here, and I know she hears me.

She was beautiful in every sense of the word. From her gorgeous auburn hair (that made everyone jealous), big brown eyes and cute baby fat that completed her, to her infectious bubbly personality and endless affection.

Anyone who met her, instantly fell in love with her vibrant personality (another quality that Emarie shares).

She made friends with everyone she met, including animals.

There was never a dull moment with Breanne!

She loved so intensely and with all her might (those that knew her know what I'm talking about), for those that don't know what this means, it meant, hugging everyone and everything with her teeth clenched. Pinching those she loved on the extra skin of their elbows (because she knew this didn't hurt) while exclaiming, "Mushy, mushy, mushy!"

She was wary with things, yet very daring!

She was always happy, and the seldom times she was not, was when she was away from those she loved (yet another quality she and Emarie share).

There is not a day that goes by (I'm sure) that someone out there does not think of her in someway, because that is the explosive impact she had. I know there's seldom a day that goes by that I don't think of her, and that will always be true.

I know I made a lot of connections with her to Emarie. But, I full-heartily believe that they were great friends before Emarie joined us on Earth. Emarie has a sense of recognition on her face when she sees photo's or videos of Breanne. And I know there are many more connections than even we can imagine than just their names and the fact that they are related, seeing as Emarie is a lot more connected to the veil than most.

So, in closing, I just want to relay how much I miss this little girl! How much everyone that knew her misses and loves her, and will never stop!

So, I would like to share the videos that Steve and I put together over Mother's Day last year. Just know, they are not perfect. They both have holes, because we are still missing a lot of video and pictures because of all the tragedies that have befallen on our family. And, I know the music in the video slideshow is cheesy. But, it's fitting in more ways than one. One is obvious, for what the song is, the other is that Mariah Carey was Breanne's favorite singer. And, also, remember that this is the early 90's, so nevermind the bad clothes and hair!

Enjoy this little piece of Breanne, aka: Baby B, Bre, Chickster, etc.

Yes, that big guy towards the end is Mark Eaton, of the Utah Jazz!

Beware of the full moon in this one!

So simple a word, but so sweet to hear!

I can't even tell you the last time I heard Emarie utter the word "momma" or "mom." It took me a long time to get over the fact that word was now ceremoniously changed to "dada" or "daddy." It's really no secret that Daddy is Emarie's favorite and I've struggled with the fact for a long time. I'll even admit that it made me cry sometimes that I was not the one she wanted comfort from when sad, but have gotten to the point where I can actually joke about it now, and say to her, "Hey, I carried you for 9 months and went through 36 hours of excruciating labor to bring you here, you are supposed to like me best!" And she would of course laugh. This is something NO ONE can ever take away from me, that is the ability to make Emarie laugh better than anyone can! So, I'll take it, but I'll admit it still makes me sad sometimes.

Not this weekend though, Emarie wanted her "Mama" and voiced it! I was very busy painting, cooking and cleaning this weekend and kept walking past her playing on the floor, as soon I was out of sight, I would hear her yell "MAMA" and guiltily (since Steve was in there with her) be so happy! She even let me put her to bed two nights in a row! This is huge!

So, I'm going to take my few days of glory since I don't know how long it'll last. But I just needed to celebrate!!

A nice quiet Valentine's Day at home

So, Valentine's Day was not a big hooplah for us this year. First off being, we really don't have the money, second off being, neither of us really care that much.

So it began on Saturday (to keep the Sabbath holy :)) with Steve having to work in the morning, since they are down a secretary and very behind. So, I took advantage and went to the store to buy all the fixins to make Swiss Steak with baked potatoes and salad. I also ordered a special gift that is for both of us, but won't be here until next week, so I'll let you know what it is then. I had some small things and a card laid out for him when he came home and later I began the dinner. I tried with no luck to track down a good Valentine's movie on redbox, but could not find a good one, so we settled for watching Sweet Home Alabama, which is a classic! We were happy to spend the night with our wonderful baby girl as well, and it just went as smooth as possible!

The next morning (which was really Valentine's Day) Steve cooked me breakfast and then I took pictures of Emarie in her $3 Valentine dress:

Happy Valentine's Day Everybody!