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Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Ups and Downs of a 4 Month Old Ryker

Our little guy hit 4 months on the 27th of March, but just had his 4 month check-up yesterday (April 4th). We have had a lot of changes with him in the last month, the hardest being the growth spurt that hit almost at the same time as the 4 month mark! It was insane to keep up with, I was literally feeding him every hour! Not an hour in between feedings, but eating at 3:30, then again at 4:30... so basically only about a half an hour in between, which made it impossible to get anything done needless to say. He was even, for the first time since he was about a month old, waking up for a 3 or 4 am feeding when he usually slept through the night at least 8-10 hours! That was rough! Thankfully the hardest only lasted a few days, and he is now back to eating at better intervals, though he is eating quite a bit more! And he is also back to sleeping through the night, so I guess we can't complain too much! I thought he must be growing like crazy, and he seemed to be as well... but I guess he wasn't so much, but I'll get to that in a bit. 

Milestones

-Rolling over- He is no longer just flukely rolling over when he's mad (our little hulk!), but consistently rolls over anytime you put him on his belly these days. And within the last week or two, has really been better at rolling from his back to his tummy... and I'm sure in no time he'll be all over the place! 

-Head Control- is pretty near perfect, and he is starting to move around a bit on his belly when up on his arms. 

-Laughing- doesn't seem so random anymore, and it is getting a little harder to get a chuckle out of him... though he still does laugh, he just understands a little more what it means and makes us work for it ;) 

-He is now playing Peek-a-boo!! I honestly thought it was just a random thing that he didn't know what he was doing at first... but now I'm certain he knows what he's doing and it is SOoo cute!! 




-He is also starting to hold his bottle, which is very funny since we use Tommy Tippees and they are quite big, so though he thinks he's holding it, I'm sure it will be awhile before he can truly hold it! 

-Feeding I felt was going great! He has finally gotten to the point where he is breast feeding more in the day than bottle feeding. He is between 4 1/2 to 5 ounces from the bottle and I'm sure he can get up to 6 from breast feeding since I produce more than that in a feeding. 


Stats

His doctor's appointment yesterday was a little disheartening :( His weight was 12 lbs 2 oz, which puts him below the 2nd percentile, so I'm just saying the 1st percentile, which needless to say was a bit sad for me to hear, considering all that we went through with Em at this age as she continually dropped off the charts. His Dr did make me feel better saying he wasn't concerned it was a growth issue, but rather can be attributed to his still problematic reflux. We started prevacid the very same day, though that has been another issue in and of itself! We got a script for it and I went to the pharmacy to get it only to find out that the generic solutabs have completely been pulled off the shelves, they were really hard to find when Em was little and pharmacies were always in short supply. We ended up having to get the name brand for her a few times and it was $60 a month! Well, the name brand is now $100 a month.... which is just INSANE!! About a year and a half ago, I started buying it for Em over the counter, which was much more cost efficient even before they had generic over the counter. But now that you can get it in generic form over the counter, it ends up being even cheaper than the generic prescription, especially if you get it at Costco. It's easy for Em because I just open up the capsules and dump the contents into a syringe that then goes in her g-tube.... Ryker however needs half a dose, and the contents inside the capsules are a lot of tiny little static balls... that are impossible to count or try and separate... but I did my best and I guess it turned out ok, it just took about a half an hour, but lucky I will only have to do that part every other day! Now the even sadder part is it cannot go in breast milk or anything else appealing. It has to be dissolved in water and poor little Ryker has to take it by mouth :( It is sad, so we're really hoping it helps! But thankfully, it already seems to be... the kid has not thrown up even once today! Which is absolutely unheard of for him! So if in two weeks (when we go back to the dr for another weight check) he still hasn't gained enough weight, then we might have to look at adding some cereal to some of his bottle to help thicken it. Or even starting some mild solids, which I really don't want to do yet. So I guess I will update again in a couple weeks on that issue.

His length is 25 1/2 inches which put him in the 63rd percentile... yup, still a string bean! But that was also a bit of a concern since he was steadily above the 90th percentile for length before, but maybe he's just trying to even out ;)

His head is now 16 inches, which is still in about the 21st percentile.

He is completely out of newborn size for everything! Including diapers. He has successfully been in size 1 diapers for a couple of weeks now, and it is SOooo nice to be out of that in between stage (when he had too much waste for the newborns, but the 1's were still baggy on him and he leaked out of every available gap!), we do have to get them as tight as they'll go though, which means the tabs are always overlapped (how they always were for Emarie too!). He is also very close to getting out of 0-3 size and has started wearing a few 3-6 month things, all of that of course is due to length though. Most of the 3-6 stuff he is wearing now is one piece outfits, 3-6 month pants absolutely drown him! 



So yeah, this month has been let downs here and there, but I am so enjoying the little personality I see emerging from my son. He is such a joy and we certainly love him! Em is still warming up to him, but I think as he gets more interactive, she will come to enjoy him for sure! 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Mommy Swap?

I follow a page on Facebook that is an online special needs magazine called "Parenting Special Needs". Em and I were actually featured in it last year with our Easter story and picture from 2011. But they posted a question that raised quite a thread of controversial opinions. 

Here is what it said:


"You know that show "Wife Swap"? Could you imagine if they did "Special Needs Mother Swap"?... it would be pretty interesting... (not very practical, I know) but, could you imagine? It would make interesting TV and raise a lot of awareness.

Just pretend... how would it work? Would you switch just "Special Needs Moms" or a Special Needs Mom with a Mom that has a certain number of children? Could it be done?"

Of course my first response was that I would be ALL for that, because I encounter so many people on a daily basis that just "don't get it".... Like the nurse for one of Em's specialists that couldn't understand how I could go 8 months+ over the time I was supposed to make her next appointment, I had to explain to her that Em sees no less than 20 specialists, and it is nearly impossible to keep up with who and when we need to see them.... some are every 3 or 4 months.... some every 6, others yearly, some every other year... it's enough to make anyone cRaZy!! I remembered after a bit that as I left the last appointment and tried to make another for 4 months later, they wouldn't let me, they told me I would need to call. I didn't understand this because I was standing right in front of the people I would get on the phone... but it was close to quitting time or whatever! So yeah, if I can't make an appointment that I then can put directly into my phone and later into a planner when I leave, or I don't get a reminder card in the mail that it's time to make an appointment, chances are it's not gonna happen! She still was not very nice, so again I had to sigh to myself after I hung up the phone that she just "didn't get it". Oh and she told me we wouldn't be able to get in to see the doctor until August because of my mistake, which meant that Em would go without one of her vital medications (her growth hormone) for that long. She told me I could try to call the scheduler and get on a cancellation list, or try and see another doctor. So immediately I called the scheduler and she informed me that I didn't need to see the doctor, I could see the nurse practitioner (whom we like better anyway), and she had an opening the following week... Awesome.... so glad I got that nasty guilt trip for nothing! 

So my point is, there needs to be more compassion and understanding for what we as special needs parents go through on a daily basis. But then there are times where I think, "could anyone else really handle this?" Please don't think of me as cocky because I am NOT... for heaven's sake, I barely handle it most of the time! But I have grown accustom to it, I have done it for so long, and it has adapted to us and us to it. There are things I have to do and face that I really wouldn't wish on anyone. Sometimes there are surprises.... sometimes there is devastation. 

Both of these were experienced at an appointment we went to last Friday. And I still don't know why I'm taking this so hard, but I am. We had a routine, yearly appointment with Em's cardiologist. For those that don't know, Em was born with a minor heart defect, called pulmonary valve stinosis, which means the valve that goes from her heart to her lungs is constricted a little bit. So far it is not constricted enough to be problematic and as long as it grew along with her, no intervention would be needed. So they check her, at first it was every 4 months, then every 6... and last year, her doctor decided yearly would be enough because everything was looking good. So this year when we went in a year from the last time we went in, I expected everything to be the same. You see Em faces a lot, but everything she has going on, we have pretty much known about since her first year of life, so anything new that would come up would seem as a shock I suppose. And a shock it certainly was when they told me they found a new problem with Em's heart... her main aortic valve is now constricted, as well as leaking, but it's nothing to be too alarmed about..... uh.... WHAT?! Pretty sure any leaking linked with the heart could be considered bad.... am I right? But no, she assured me that they grade it on a scale of 0-4, and right now she is at a 1+, borderline of a 2.... 3 is when they'd consider medication and 4+ is when they'd consider a laproscopic procedure. All very minor, nothing like open heart surgery. And probably something I wouldn't need to worry about anyway. So why then did I cry the entire way home? Was it just the shock? Was it the unfamiliar? Or was it the possibility that this could be a gateway to whole onslaught of surprises to come... that we may never know all that that missing DNA caused in the big picture of our little girl. Who's to say what could be next?..... and maybe, just maybe, it was all of the above. 

Now I may be worrying over nothing, but it is very likely that this will not be the only surprise we will get in our daughter's health. The truth is, she is at greater risk for a lot of unpleasant things, and that is something we will always have to keep in the back of our minds. I don't like to think about that, especially considering how close we've come to some really unpleasant diagnoses, like hemophilia, bone marrow disease and cancer to name a few. Thankfully none of them panned out though. 

So coming back, could anyone really do what we do? Even the things we consider pretty routine- replacing her g-tube button when it gets yanked out of her stomach, dealing with doctors and medical aspects, which includes an endless amount of paperwork, fighting with the insurance constantly, remembering dosing of all her dozen+ medications she takes daily, carrying her everywhere, as well as lifting her wheelchair in and out of the car.... and having to deal with the fact that you won't always get an adequate parking space to do so. Dealing with the stares, the looks of pity, the comments and questions of those who don't understand how much their words can hurt.... yeah, all that... this is all on a daily basis.

Then there's the other stuff that haunts my nightmares. The fact that a bad cold from a typical kid could be a deadly, nasty RSV for her, that puts her in the intensive care unit on a breathing machine fighting for her life.... and a miracle. The unexplained vomiting of blood that we still never know when is going to hit, and we still don't know why it does. The breathing treatments.... and the one that is the worst for my anxiety- the anaphylactic reactions..... having to carry an epi-pen everywhere we go, giving her countless doses of benadryl in the hopes that we won't have to give her that epi-pen... the outcry and scrambling when a child who has milk all over them is getting too close to her.... the constant worry when she is under someone else's watch, although I trust her teachers and those who help care for her, there is still constant worry. 

This is when I have to take a step back and realize I do a lot. And I do more than I ever realized I was capable of, not because it was my choice, but because I love my daughter and I would do anything for her. I think anyone that is a parent can relate to that though. Special needs parents are really nothing more than parents. All loving parents love their kids, and all loving parents would do anything for their kids..... we just happen to do more for our kids than most. So would you switch places? After thinking on it, I don't think I could. I would worry constantly that she was getting the care that she needs, and really I don't want anyone else to do it. She is mine, and even though I don't always feel like I deserve her, I was meant to be her mother.



Thursday, February 28, 2013

Ryker at 3 Months


Oh how nice it is to finally have successful pictures of this little guy! What a difference a month has made for reals!! As you can see from the pictures, he is quite the happy little guy! So I'll get on with his growing list of "new things" and milestones. 

-As stated in his 2 month update he had been holding his head up for just a few minutes at a time... Well that is now much improved, and he is almost always holding his head up, and only loses control briefly after a sudden movement of his head.

-His rolling is still pretty much where it was at last month, but it was a bit of a fluke that he rolled over so soon anyway, so I'm sure we'll see improvements if we keep up with his tummy time ;) 

-He will smile at pretty much anyone that will give him any sort of attention! And he most definitely has his daddy's killer smile! And I love that just like his sister, he too can seem to smile with his whole little body!  

-He laughs now, which is so unbelievably amazing to hear! He loves to be tickled and have his tummy blowed on, and we have recently discovered he now loves peek-a-boo which his sister was delighted about! 

-He is also babbling much more, which is so funny! I love carrying on little baby conversations with him, and the best are his facial expression while doing it.... almost as if he really is carrying on a conversation, only in a language only he understands ;)

-He has a new found fascination with hands..... his, mine, his dad's.... anyone's really. He loves watching them, and he loves to eat them too! In fact, he shoves those fingers of his so far in his throat, he actually gags himself from time to time! Not so good for a kid who already is constantly throwing up! I will be investing in some teething toys soon! 

-Feeding is still a bit of an issue with his reflux, meaning he is still throwing up quite a bit. Breast feeding thankfully has gotten a bit better, though he still mostly bottle feeds, but still 100% breast milk for the little guy! 

-Sleeping is amazing for him!! And us, haha!! He is consistently sleeping 8-9 hours through the night without waking at all, and I can't tell you how much that makes us like him all that much more! 

-And as you can gather, he is much happier! 3 months must have been his kicker... his peak, because it was like overnight that he was suddenly much happier. Although he will let you know that he does not like when you leave his waking sight.... other than that, happy, happy guy! We may be able to attribute a little of that to the fact that his little digestive system has once again become much more regular, and I haven't needed to "intervene" in at least a month ;) 



As far as SATs go, I really only have his weight since he doesn't go to the doctor for 3 months. But that is 11 lbs 4 oz, which I'm sure is still considered on the small side. But I take comfort in knowing that his sister was barely 12 lbs on her first birthday, so I'd say he's doing pretty well ;) He is mostly out of newborn clothes, but still fits into some of them including all the onesies. Mostly he's in 0-3's. He is still wearing newborn diapers, but we're almost out of them again, and I think we will try the ones when they're gone in a day or two... hopefully they work this time!

And I promise this blog isn't all about Ryker as of now. He is just the only one I have pictures ready for. But there are two posts coming up for Em, one is for her 5th birthday that came and went, but it will probably be backdated so that I won't have to look so bad ;)

Monday, January 28, 2013

Ryker at 2 Months


I am still doing my darndest to get back into the world of blogging.... I do miss it, but I become so overwhelmed when I think of how behind I am. But I have to believe that I will get caught up.... one day. 

Our sweet little boy is now two months old and it's amazing how fast the time has gone! So here's just a quick little update on where he is now. 

Milestones

-He has been holding his head up for up to a couple minutes at a time

-Smiles!! Sweet baby smiles are the best aren't they?? He has been smiling for awhile now, but in the last two weeks it seems much more intentional. Every time you look at him or talk to him. Until yesterday, it had only been Steve or me that he had smiled at, but his grandpa was graced with a few when he held him yesterday. 

-Reaching. He loves his activity mat he got for Christmas and will reach for the toys on it and has been for a long time (not exactly sure when). He is also great at getting the music to go on it... amazing how ahead he is in development! 

-Recognizing. He definitely recognizes mine and Steve's faces and now our voices as well. 

-Mimicking. He tries so hard to move his mouth with you when you talk or sing to him, and has even repeated sounds back a few times, including "hi". LOVE THAT!! He is also doing a fantastic job of making his sweet musical cooing sounds of his own all the time. 

-He has always been very strong and has been able to bear weight on his legs since day one. We have jokingly nicknamed him "the hulk" because when he gets mad that is when he is at his strongest! Heaven forbid if you take that bottle or breast away from him to burp him before he is ready!! I kid you not, he stands up and will NOT allow you to burp him! He also has rolled a few times in anger! Quite the little temper for sure! 

-He tolerates and does great with tummy time mostly! And he has even tried out his Bumbo now.

-He has been quite the fussy baby and would fall into the category that experts refer to as a "purple crier". In these times, the best way to calm him is to hold him close to your chest so that he can look into your face and sing to him as you walk around. He now goes every other day with these "crying all day" days, and we'll take all the peace we can get! 

-Eating.... *big sigh here* Breast feeding has always been a challenge for him unfortunately :( So much work for him and it takes him over an hour to get the amount he gets from a bottle in 10 or 15 minutes.... so that is mostly what we do, I pump, and he gets a bottle. This is especially hard on me since I was so looking forward to this aspect since I did not get to experience it with Emarie. I pumped for two years for her, and she was and still is tube fed. I still try to breast feed him a couple times a day, in hopes that he'll keep the habit for if ever there comes a time when it gets easier for him. His reflux is still quite prevalent and he vomits at least a little (sometimes A LOT) during, after.... and sometimes much after each feeding.

-Sleeping. Sleeping at night has not been much of an issue fortunately, other than the fact that he doesn't seem to like our room much (this is where we have his bassinet)... So Steve and I usually take turns sleeping in the living room with him. We're hoping to get him in his own room soon so that we can spend nights together again. His room seems to keep a much better temperature than ours, and we're hoping that is why he doesn't like to be there. 


Stats

-Clothing. I have only had to put aside two of his newborn things, and the rest still fit him fine. 0-3 month clothing is still big on him in a lot of ways, and he gets so tangled in his 0-3 sleepers and gets mad! Unfortunately I have to use a lot of his 0-3 stuff already because he goes through so many outfits a day with his vomiting! Laundry is always ridiculous too! 

-Diapers. He was in preemie diapers for the first 3 weeks of his life because he is so skinny! We used up the last of the newborns that we had on Friday, so decided to try some 1's because we had some already.... but it seems they are still too big! His little legs and waist are too skinny that they are too baggy on him and cause leaking because of it... so back to newborns, and not sure how much longer. 

-Weight. He is at 10 lbs 1 oz as of today, which puts him in the 9th percentile

-Length. He is 24 inches as of today, which puts him in the 92nd percentile!! 

-His head is 15 inches, which puts him in the 23rd percentile


So there you have it, we have a loooooong skinny boy! He also got a bunch of shots today which has made him grumpy and sleepy :(


We really love this little guy though and we are so grateful for him everyday! I know that each of my children are a miracle and I view them as such! 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Transition from 1 to 2

I have had quite a few challenging days since our new little addition... But two days that made me question if I could really handle two kids. 

I'm sure all parents have these moments when they add another child, but I bet few have had an 8 month old and a 1 month old in conjunction with each other. Because really in a lot of ways that's where Em is developmentally. She has been really crawling for a little over 6 months now, but she gets better everyday, and with the onset of our addition, she has found every which way she can test my patience. Whether it's to pull every DVD off the shelf, try and climb the tv stand, slam the glass entertainment doors open and closed, play with the wires behind the tv, or the real kicker... Pull out her g-tube, or crawl out of it.... 

Did I mention that all of these things are done either when I'm nursing Ryker, or else pumping? Therefor making it extremely difficult to jump up and stop her... And ask her to stop?.. I may as well be talking to a brick wall, because although she understands, she won't listen in these moments. 

The first day where I had these thoughts were not Em's fault though... Nor were they Ry's. No, it happened on such a day that Em was sick... She still was not better and I was certain that she had a sinus infection, also was pretty certain that one, if not both of her ears were infected. So I made an appointment with her pediatrician. Sadly Steve's mom was working, so I had to take Ry too, but I thought it would be ok since he needed a weight taken on him. I decided to try the double stroller, wasn't enough room in the back of the van since we'd recently had a photo shoot and hadn't gotten the stuff out yet, so I put it where there was room on the floor in the front seat. We were already running late when we got there and there were no disability spots of course since they give those out like gym passes these days... It was also snowing. So I found a spot in the far end of the parking lot in hopes that no one would park next to me and proceeded to get the stroller out... Couldn't figure that thing out for the life of me, it's freezing outside, Em is upset that I haven't gotten her out yet, which in turn is upsetting Ryker, so he is crying as well.... Still I can't get the dang thing to open. Call Steve, he tells me what I am already guessing is the way to open it, but I still can't get it to work. Finally, I try the steps in reverse and after about 10 minutes I finally have it open. I try to get Ry's car seat clipped in first, and that is proving difficult, can't get it to clip, so just set it in so it won't fall, but it is hanging over the spot where Em is supposed to be, so she proves to be even more difficult to get in... Guess we should have done a practice run or two before the real run. Poor Em gets shoved in and is ducked down and squished forward because of how the car seat is positioned... Oh well, we make our way inside, Em loses her bow from her hair several times before I just put it in the basket below. Getting in the elevator was not as bad as I expected, getting in an angled door was tricky and embarrassing, but we did it. We were a good 15 minutes late, but thankfully the office took pity on my poor frazzled self. Em proved to be just as difficult to get out as in and I felt so embarrassed in the office. She did have a sinus infection and double ear infection, so it was worth the trip for the antibiotic. Ryker still was not great on his weight though, but I'll go into that more on a later post.

I finally got the car seat to clip in before we left the office, so the ride back to the car was much better! Now all I need to know is how to get the tray away to get Em in and out easier. Of course we get back to the car though and someone has parked entirely too close on the side I need to get Ryker in and the stroller.. So I had to climb through on the other side with him and he is screaming at this point because he is hungry, but I get him in, but the stroller is a no go. I debate waiting for the person to come move their car, but have no idea how long that will take, plus my baby needs food, and I am uncomfortable in the chest area in turn, and it's freezing!! So I use all my will power and shove the thing haphazardly across the driver's seat, middle console and passenger side, doing my best to push it as far over so I can get in and drive as possible. I am in tears of course and thinking that there's no way I can handle going out in public again with both of them! But we made it, I got Em's prescription and we got home and got little man fed.

The next bad outing was after a long period of constipation for Ryker. That day he wasn't going enough and Em was going TOO much! I changed no less than 13 poopy diapers of hers that day, no idea why. Ryker in turn was terribly fussy and only content when he was being held... But since I was having to change Em every half hour or so, that wasn't really happening. He was terribly fussy and uncomfortable, and Em had a physical therapy appointment to boot. Steve's mom was at work again this day and I didn't think enough ahead to see of someone could watch him, so I had to take him and he of course screamed the entire time, which made me preoccupied with him and not as involved with Em as I usually am when she goes... So she was uncooperative and melting down :( Absolutely broke my heart. Thankfully planning has been much better, and we've been able to leave Ryker at home for therapies ever since, and it has definitely made a difference for Em!

As for daily life... I will take you through our typical routine.

6 am feed Ryker, either breast feed, or pump while I feed him, or Steve does depending on how much time he has before work. Around 7 am, try to put Ryker back down and catch a few more moments of sleep... this happens maybe 1% of the time. So usually come downstairs by 8, change Ryker's diaper and his clothes if needed, put away the night's pumping supply in the fridge and freezer. Get Emarie's multiple medications ready and possibly finish up her feeding bag if Steve didn't have time to do it. Taking care to take breaks here if Ryker needs more comforting. By 9, Em is usually awake, so I get her up bring her down and change her diaper, give her her meds and then try and get her comfortable with some Nick Jr in hopes that she won't get into too much trouble so that I can finish things.... If I'm lucky, I get breakfast (not likely though), even luckier if I get a shower! (Usually I take my showers at 11 in the evening when everyone is asleep). Em has an average of 3 appointments a week.... whether it be her regular private therapy appointments (PT and feeding therapy) or clinic or specialist visits. Generally these are in the mornings before she goes to school, so we are always rushing getting Em changed, dressed, hair done, DAFOS and twister cables on... get Ryker changed/fed/dressed (multiple times because he throws up so much!) and try to get out the door on time (which rarely happens! Even when I think we are going to be on time, Em poops or Ryker throws up all over his car seat making us late again). You can imagine that this has made trying to get Ryker on any kind of schedule nearly impossible! So I have quit stressing about that. If we have an appointment, they are usually between 8 and 11 and are usually an hour or two long. I then get her to school hopefully by 12:30, head back home to feed/pump and only have enough time to head back out to pick her up on time at 3, feed/pump again and then head out to get Steve. Once Steve is home, I try really hard to get any chores done, my biggest that always needs tackling is the laundry! These two kids can cause me to do multiple loads a day! I get an average of 1-2 meals a day, but I really try and eat small/quick things here and there.

Steve has been amazing!! And always tries to make me sit or lie down when he is home. He and his mom have still been doing most of the cooking, but I really try to step in when I can.

Anyway, I am not trying to get sympathy or anything.... I just needed to vent and having all written down helps me to realize that it really is a lot and anyone would have a hard time with this schedule keeping a day perfect.

But I love my kids with all my heart! I know how hard it was for us to get them here and I am so grateful for them both! But honestly I would be surprised if we attempted to have another kid on our own until these two are much older!

 Emarie doing one of her finger plays after school one day

Em holding Ryker for the first time (he was probably about a week old here








Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Ryker Brooks Peters


A Birth Story



One week post-partum, everything fresh in the brain still, still sleep deprived but no longer clouded by narcotics ;) Actually stopped those after day 3.... really prefer the pain over the way I feel on them. 

So here it is. And truly it was perfect in every sense of the word. Better than I could possibly ever imagine. 

With Em, my pregnancy was rough and labor was even rougher... luckily her delivery was not bad at all. Ryker's pregnancy was even more difficult with an emergency gallbladder removal at 20 weeks, and a broken rib due to excessive coughing from bronchitis at 30 weeks, which lead to pre-term labor, stopped with nifedipine taken every four hours until I hit 35 weeks when my doctor felt comfortable for me to go off of them.

Contractions started early on in both my kids' pregnancies, around 24 weeks with both. Though mostly inconsistent, and pretty sporadic. They begin to get more frequent and consistent toward the end. 

I have measured at least two weeks ahead of my original due date of December 10th from the very beginning, so I got bumped up to weekly appointments sooner than normal. My first weekly appointment, I was measuring the same as I had the week prior. My doctor was a little concerned since I was really good with growing each time, but not enough to have her considering any action yet. But she thought that by the next appointment, if I was still measuring the same, she would consider inducing me. Now this is where a lot of confusion came in from my family. This is also where I want to say that I have the most amazing doctor this time around, and I could not be happier with my instinct to go with the doctor that had ended up delivering Emarie (even though she was not my doctor for her pregnancy). I couldn't say enough to have a woman OBGYN. Not only does she really know the female body, but she's had four kids herself, so she really knows pregnancy, labor and delivery too. Now she does not believe in inducing unless there's a problem or you are past your due date..... Ok, so now that we've got that out of the way... on with when labor began....

Like I said contractions were no stranger to me and by Thanksgiving, I was having some pretty good ones, so I knew labor was coming. By that Sunday, I was having very frequent, strong contractions, I thought we might have our baby by that night. But I figured if I could sleep through the contractions, that they probably weren't enough to send me to the hospital. Besides, I had a doctor's appointment next morning, the appointment turned into an all day thing though. After checking in at 9:15, I was told that they were already behind.... really behind! Apparently she'd had a scheduled c-section, followed by an emergency c-section and then when I was lead back to a room because she would be on her way there (already undressed mind you!) I was apologetically told that she had to attend to TWO more deliveries after her c-section. Many patients were talked into rescheduling, or coming back later... but I was already undressed and curious to see where I was at. Finally after being at the doctor's office for 3 hours, Dr. Grover finally got there, and honestly I felt bad for her! She looked so frazzled and you could tell she felt really bad for making me wait. She is amazing and I can't say enough about how glad I am that she is the one that cared for me and my baby boy for 8 months! She was aware of everything with Em and did not press me to do any prenatal testing, nor did she think I should have to go through the same torture again that I did when Emarie was born. So she did check me and I was 3 centimeters which surprised me since I never dilated on my own with Em. However, I was only about 50% effaced and my uterus was still pretty posterior (really far back and hard to find.... excruciating for them to try and check too!). I was not measuring the same anymore, but only a tiny bit more, so she wanted me to go in for a non-stress test to make sure my fluid levels looked ok. She didn't think she would have to intervene unless things looked worrisome there since she was sure I would be having this baby within 48 hours on my own. Non-stress test was scheduled for later that afternoon, fluid levels were fine, but his base heart-rate was a little low at first... they kept me a little longer, and it looked better toward the end. 

That night we went to get some more painting supplies to finish up the baby's room. While we were there, I was feeling really frequent contractions, about every 9-10 minutes. Again that night I was thinking we would have a baby, but I was able to sleep through the contractions again... though this time it was much harder. I was up for good at 5 am on November 27th and couldn't go back to sleep, and at that point, I was pretty sure we were going to have our baby that day. Still, I didn't want to go to the hospital until they were 7 minutes or less apart. And they still didn't seem strong enough to me. In fact the contractions I had at 30 weeks were much stronger. Steve didn't go to work, but I thought it might still be awhile, so he put a coat of sealer on the floor boards in the baby's room, which had a really strong odor and was really making me sick. So after a bath and getting myself dressed and then Emarie ready for school (we asked grandma to take her though), we decided it was time to go to the hospital, my contractions were 7 minutes apart at this point, but I still didn't feel they were that strong, so I was expecting to get sent home to be honest.

We arrived at the hospital at 11:30 am that morning, and after getting dressed in my gown the nurse came in to get the monitors on and check me. Well, I was dilated to 4 1/2 centimeters by that point, but still only about 60% effaced and very posterior still (man it was terrible for them to check me when it wasn't in the right place!). After an hour, the nurse came in again to check and see if I'd made any progress to see if I was staying or not. Not a whole lot of progress, so she said it was likely that I was going to go home, but that she would call and talk with my doctor. At that moment a commercial came on for Dunkin Donuts and I decided that I needed a donut. Steve graciously complied and hurried downstairs to get me one. While he was gone, the nurse came in with an IV bag and a bunch of other supplies and asked, "So do you really want to go home today..... or would you rather have your baby??!" I was a little taken aback, so she explained that Dr Grover thought, given my history of Em's delivery, that my posterior uterus might not move on it's own, just like I didn't dilate on my own with Em. So she wanted to keep me there, come and break my water in a bit... possibly start pectocin if needed. So when Steve came back with donuts in hand, I excitedly told him I wouldn't be able to eat it! He was confused of course, so I asked him if he wanted our baby to come today? 

So it began.... 

After they started my IV, they were supposed to watch me and see my progression, but my Dr believed she would need to at least break my water to get my uterus to move in the right position and avoid a c-section. They asked me if I wanted an epidural or anything for pain, I declined seeing as my contractions were still not bad and I figured I would get one after she broke my water. The nurse wrote the date on the white board, and below that "Welcome Baby....." and looked at me expectantly. I had to tell her that we hadn't completely decided on his name yet, and we had decided to wait to see him for that. She was just fine with that, so finished it with a "?". My contractions progressed and got stronger and closer together, but still not too bad. Steve and I talked about what he would look like, if he would look like me, Steve or Emarie. We watched a little tv, talked about Em and how she was at school and if anyone suspected I was having my baby today. 

We had decided long ago.... even before we were pregnant about how we wanted things to go differently the next time we had a baby. I don't say this ever, But Steve and I both worried the day Emarie was born that we might not ever take her home.... we did not know if she would live with how her birth went and how they were talking. And the grief of that day was publicized for everyone that was at the hospital, which was a lot. We have no pictures from her actual birth since it happened so fast and they whisked her away for several hours afterward. It has caused me so much pain to think about that day.... so much so that I have a hard time hearing other people's birth stories, or seeing their wonderful pictures and videos. I wanted everything to go different this time. That meant that we didn't want anyone there with us until we had our time with him. Some people may still not get this, and that's ok, it's what I wanted, and that's all that mattered. And we were very blunt about this from the get go. I worried that I might need to keep people from knowing I was in labor, to make sure that my wishes were respected. But a few people ended up knowing. 

Because of the no pictures from Emarie, I wanted the complete opposite for this baby. I thought about hiring a birth photographer, even though Steve would have his camera, I wanted pictures captured of all of us, at all the key moments. So I asked my best friend if she would be willing. Lacey has taken some amazing pictures for us before , and since she knows us, I know she would be best to capture everything I wanted. She has a new little guy of her own at home, who is just over a year. So I was worried that the birth would come at inconvenient time. What's even harder is that she had just started a new job this month and was worried about it happening during work hours. But I had to have the mentality that we would still have some amazing pictures from Steve even if Lacey couldn't make it.... but luckily, everything worked out perfectly. And a lot of the pictures in the video below are ones that Lacey captured. 

Going back to the birth. I had gone until 5:30 and had dilated to about 6 centimeters and 90% effaced, but still that darn uterus was very posterior, so that is when Dr. Grover came in to break my water. I was relieved to hear that the fluid was clear, since Emarie's was anything but! Almost immediately after she broke my water, my contractions finally started to get strong! I thought maybe it was time to get an epidural..... however the first nurse I told must have forgot since half of the nurses had to respond to a "code white" in the ER parking lot.... which I was assuming was a baby being born there. But after another nurse came in, she got the anesthesiologist and I got my epidural around 6:30. Things became a little easier after that, and the next time I got checked around 7:30, I was a 7, baby's heart rate was dropping a bit at this point too, so they put me on an oxygen mask. By 8:15, I felt the urge to push and told the nurse.... she was skeptical since I was only a 7 about a half hour ago, but she checked me and with eyes wide she said, "You're right! You're ready! I'll call the doctor, she's only 5 minutes away!" I had been sending Lacey updates so that she could be ready to come at the final moment too, she as well is only about 5 minutes from the hospital, so I told Steve to text her to come. 5 minutes later, Dr. Grover walked in, and two minutes after that Lacey did. Oh, and I had had them turn off my epidural about an hour before this because I wanted to be able to feel my legs and know exactly when to push. I did not have to push Em and so I was excited and a bit nervous for this part. It took maybe 5 good pushes and less than 5 minutes and our little boy was here! 

Steve had told me right before Dr. Grover got there that he did not want to cut the umbilical cord. He is grossed out by this, haha! But he didn't get the chance with either of our kids since they both had it wrapped around their necks pretty tight at birth. Which is why baby boy's heart rate dropped here and there. 

I have never been so relieved and happy than I was the moment I heard my boy's first cry! It took what seemed like an eternity for Em to cry.... and baby boy was almost instant after the cord came off his neck. Even though there's no sound to the video clips below, you can see me say "He's crying!!". I also was so excited for all the rest of what I didn't get to experience with Em's birth- them putting him on my stomach, being able to hold him, kiss him, talk to him and love on him. I held him for a few minutes, before they took him to finish cleaning him off and weigh him and such. 7 lbs 15 oz and 20 1/2 inches! Great size!! All the nurses were commenting on his crazy hair and perfect little head.... which I was Sooo relieved about, since Em's head was so small, I was worried his would be bigger and therefor harder to labor. But I guess I just have small headed kiddos! After all that was done, they gave him back to me in just a diaper for some skin to skin. After I had loved on him awhile, I told them they could wrap him and give him to Steve, and he had his little hand clasped on my gown and cried when they took him away from me! My heart was so full at that point. And I want to thank Lacey for being there, but also just doing her thing, so that at times it was like she wasn't even there. The nurses had heard bits and pieces of what our birth was like with Emarie, so they let us keep our little guy a lot longer than is typical. When I got him back from daddy, I nursed him and boy was it painful, but wonderful all at the same time! This was also a first for me since Em was never able to nurse. Then I realized he needed a name. So we said both names a few times to him, and it was easy to see that he was clearly a "Ryker" :) And I love that both of my kids are named after people that were taken far too young and still are very dear to me. Of course Emarie's middle name is after my sister Breanne, and now Ryker's middle name is after my cousin Brooks. Ryker also came on a significant day, his grandmother Karen's birthday! She has a twin (Kenneth) too, so it was Ryker's great-uncle's birthday, and another great-uncle (Bob) on my other side of the family. Also one of our wonderful Chromosome 18 mom's, Dana as well! What a great day for him to come to the world! 

And I guess it was the week for babies! As I had already mentioned how many babies my Dr had delivered the day before.... and while I was on the labor & delivery floor, they were completely full! No rooms left! And by the time we made it down to mother/baby, same thing... FULL! They were even over-flowing to the pediatric wing! So Ryker may meet a lot of kids one day that share his birthday! We were told that there were 9 babies born during the day that day, and another 12 that night! And of those 12, only one was a girl! Crazy!! 

Stress reeks havoc on Steve, and the poor guy began to suffer from an allergic reaction and had to leave to go get medicine. Luckily he made it back in time to capture some pictures of our Ryker in the nursery getting his bath and such, and I was taken down there shortly after. Once the nursery brought him back to me, I held him all night. Like I said, I didn't get that with Em, so I was absolutely content to just snuggle him all night long. And Steve was completely passed out from all the Benadryl, so I got him all to myself!  

The next morning is when we began to tell people that our baby boy had arrived, but we did not share his name or pictures yet. We wanted people to know his name when they came to meet him, and for far away family, when they received an email with pictures later that night. And we said we would be accepting visitors after his sister had met him later that morning. Em was a little unimpressed with him when she came around ten with Steve's parents (video and pictures of people that came to visit will be in the next post), but I was hopeful that she would warm up... and I was right.... mostly ;) 

We had many visitors throughout that day and evening and I was so proud to show off my new son! Em also came back and hung out with us that evening so her grandparents could go out to dinner. That night I did have him go to the nursery for part of the night since it had been an emotional day and I wanted to be able to get some sleep before we went home the next day. 

Ryker had a few minor problems while we were there. He had swallowed an excess of fluid, so had to be suctioned out and they even did a chest x-ray to make sure none was in his lungs. But he was clear. But he also had problems breast feeding, which I know is very common, but frustrating! His blood sugar was a little low, so we did have to give him some formula in the hospital since my milk still hadn't come in. He did not tolerate it though and threw up I believe every ounce of the two bottles he had! After meeting with a lactation nurse, she thought it might be a good idea to have the Dr clip his tongue since she could see it was tied in pretty much the same place Em's had been.... right at the tip. So Dr Bailey our pediatrician (also one amazing doctor!) did that and his circumcision the morning of the day we went home (which was Thursday the 29th). He did not like the tongue clipping, but surprisingly was not too bothered by the circumcision, and yes I was there for both! So was Steve, but he mainly stayed in the corner ;) We left the hospital around noon that day and I can't tell you what an amazing feeling it was to leave with my baby! 

Adjustments have been hard, and no one's getting much sleep this week... but my milk came in on Friday the 30th (3 days later) and Ryker is slowly, but surely becoming a champ with nursing! Though it is clear that he has reflux just like his sister since he can projectile vomit up to 3 or 4 times during a feeding! We might have to do medication by his next Dr's appointment if it looks like he needs it. 

But he is the sweetest baby! Even when he cries like a pterodactyl! Not exaggerating on that one, I will share a video of it in another post! 

We are all in love with our little "Ry Guy" and we're so glad he decided to join our family! 

Now here's his birth video.... maybe it's my emotions, but I can't make it through without crying every one of the hundred's of times I've watched it! A million thanks to Lacey for the heartfelt pictures, and Steve for his pictures and videos. Now all those birth videos that I have always been so jealous of.... I have a perfect one. And it is clean, so no need for worry about what you'll see! Now for optimum viewing, make sure it's set to 720pHD and full screen :) 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Tree

It was maybe a few days.... maybe a few weeks after the darkest day in mine and my family's lives. Late September 1994, some neighbors, also parents of my sister's little friends knocked on our door, one of them holding a tiny tree in a pot. They told us they would like to plant this tree in honor of our sweet Breanne. We were touched, but had no idea that it would continue to aid in the healing of our hearts. 

September 13, 1995 we heard voices out front, I looked out the window and saw same said parents along with their kids decorating the tree with ribbons. An honoring of the anniversary of her death. We were honored. It continued for at least the next 3 years. 

We began plans to move away from that house that had been our home for more than 10 years when I was finishing up junior high in 1998. It occurred to us that we would have to leave the tree behind and we were deeply saddened by it. My parents told the people buying our house what the tree meant to us and that if they ever felt the need to remove it, we would transport it to where we lived. They didn't think they would ever want to remove it, so we moved on hoping it would be well taken care of. 

About a year after we moved, we found out that the new owners of our old house did decide they didn't want the tree anymore.... but sadly the cost of transporting it was out of the realm of possibility, we had to accept the fact that we would need to let it go, even though we were devastated by the idea. We drove by our old stomping grounds from time to time, we still had friends in that neighborhood after all, and were always surprised to see the tree still standing tall and growing even taller. Years went by and it was always still there, we began to believe that they had changed their minds and our "Bre Tree" would remain. 

This past spring, I was in the neighborhood I basically grew up in again visiting one of my best friends. I had my camera with me and decided I needed a picture of "Bre Tree" since I hadn't seen it in awhile and really don't know how much longer it will really be there since I have no idea who is living in "our" house anymore. I had failed on more than one occasion to try to get a picture when there was no one around.... but I chanced it again and luckily not a soul in sight! I parked the car across the street just in case and snapped as fast as I could. It's amazing how this tree can still take my breath away with how much it has grown! 


I remember when it was first planted, it was as tall as me. It may not be the best looking tree, or the coolest.... but it will always be my favorite tree. It is to me new growth and hope in place of the doubt and despair that came the day she left this world. 

Keep growing "Bre Tree"