The Transition from 1 to 2

I have had quite a few challenging days since our new little addition... But two days that made me question if I could really handle two kids. 

I'm sure all parents have these moments when they add another child, but I bet few have had an 8 month old and a 1 month old in conjunction with each other. Because really in a lot of ways that's where Em is developmentally. She has been really crawling for a little over 6 months now, but she gets better everyday, and with the onset of our addition, she has found every which way she can test my patience. Whether it's to pull every DVD off the shelf, try and climb the tv stand, slam the glass entertainment doors open and closed, play with the wires behind the tv, or the real kicker... Pull out her g-tube, or crawl out of it.... 

Did I mention that all of these things are done either when I'm nursing Ryker, or else pumping? Therefor making it extremely difficult to jump up and stop her... And ask her to stop?.. I may as well be talking to a brick wall, because although she understands, she won't listen in these moments. 

The first day where I had these thoughts were not Em's fault though... Nor were they Ry's. No, it happened on such a day that Em was sick... She still was not better and I was certain that she had a sinus infection, also was pretty certain that one, if not both of her ears were infected. So I made an appointment with her pediatrician. Sadly Steve's mom was working, so I had to take Ry too, but I thought it would be ok since he needed a weight taken on him. I decided to try the double stroller, wasn't enough room in the back of the van since we'd recently had a photo shoot and hadn't gotten the stuff out yet, so I put it where there was room on the floor in the front seat. We were already running late when we got there and there were no disability spots of course since they give those out like gym passes these days... It was also snowing. So I found a spot in the far end of the parking lot in hopes that no one would park next to me and proceeded to get the stroller out... Couldn't figure that thing out for the life of me, it's freezing outside, Em is upset that I haven't gotten her out yet, which in turn is upsetting Ryker, so he is crying as well.... Still I can't get the dang thing to open. Call Steve, he tells me what I am already guessing is the way to open it, but I still can't get it to work. Finally, I try the steps in reverse and after about 10 minutes I finally have it open. I try to get Ry's car seat clipped in first, and that is proving difficult, can't get it to clip, so just set it in so it won't fall, but it is hanging over the spot where Em is supposed to be, so she proves to be even more difficult to get in... Guess we should have done a practice run or two before the real run. Poor Em gets shoved in and is ducked down and squished forward because of how the car seat is positioned... Oh well, we make our way inside, Em loses her bow from her hair several times before I just put it in the basket below. Getting in the elevator was not as bad as I expected, getting in an angled door was tricky and embarrassing, but we did it. We were a good 15 minutes late, but thankfully the office took pity on my poor frazzled self. Em proved to be just as difficult to get out as in and I felt so embarrassed in the office. She did have a sinus infection and double ear infection, so it was worth the trip for the antibiotic. Ryker still was not great on his weight though, but I'll go into that more on a later post.

I finally got the car seat to clip in before we left the office, so the ride back to the car was much better! Now all I need to know is how to get the tray away to get Em in and out easier. Of course we get back to the car though and someone has parked entirely too close on the side I need to get Ryker in and the stroller.. So I had to climb through on the other side with him and he is screaming at this point because he is hungry, but I get him in, but the stroller is a no go. I debate waiting for the person to come move their car, but have no idea how long that will take, plus my baby needs food, and I am uncomfortable in the chest area in turn, and it's freezing!! So I use all my will power and shove the thing haphazardly across the driver's seat, middle console and passenger side, doing my best to push it as far over so I can get in and drive as possible. I am in tears of course and thinking that there's no way I can handle going out in public again with both of them! But we made it, I got Em's prescription and we got home and got little man fed.

The next bad outing was after a long period of constipation for Ryker. That day he wasn't going enough and Em was going TOO much! I changed no less than 13 poopy diapers of hers that day, no idea why. Ryker in turn was terribly fussy and only content when he was being held... But since I was having to change Em every half hour or so, that wasn't really happening. He was terribly fussy and uncomfortable, and Em had a physical therapy appointment to boot. Steve's mom was at work again this day and I didn't think enough ahead to see of someone could watch him, so I had to take him and he of course screamed the entire time, which made me preoccupied with him and not as involved with Em as I usually am when she goes... So she was uncooperative and melting down :( Absolutely broke my heart. Thankfully planning has been much better, and we've been able to leave Ryker at home for therapies ever since, and it has definitely made a difference for Em!

As for daily life... I will take you through our typical routine.

6 am feed Ryker, either breast feed, or pump while I feed him, or Steve does depending on how much time he has before work. Around 7 am, try to put Ryker back down and catch a few more moments of sleep... this happens maybe 1% of the time. So usually come downstairs by 8, change Ryker's diaper and his clothes if needed, put away the night's pumping supply in the fridge and freezer. Get Emarie's multiple medications ready and possibly finish up her feeding bag if Steve didn't have time to do it. Taking care to take breaks here if Ryker needs more comforting. By 9, Em is usually awake, so I get her up bring her down and change her diaper, give her her meds and then try and get her comfortable with some Nick Jr in hopes that she won't get into too much trouble so that I can finish things.... If I'm lucky, I get breakfast (not likely though), even luckier if I get a shower! (Usually I take my showers at 11 in the evening when everyone is asleep). Em has an average of 3 appointments a week.... whether it be her regular private therapy appointments (PT and feeding therapy) or clinic or specialist visits. Generally these are in the mornings before she goes to school, so we are always rushing getting Em changed, dressed, hair done, DAFOS and twister cables on... get Ryker changed/fed/dressed (multiple times because he throws up so much!) and try to get out the door on time (which rarely happens! Even when I think we are going to be on time, Em poops or Ryker throws up all over his car seat making us late again). You can imagine that this has made trying to get Ryker on any kind of schedule nearly impossible! So I have quit stressing about that. If we have an appointment, they are usually between 8 and 11 and are usually an hour or two long. I then get her to school hopefully by 12:30, head back home to feed/pump and only have enough time to head back out to pick her up on time at 3, feed/pump again and then head out to get Steve. Once Steve is home, I try really hard to get any chores done, my biggest that always needs tackling is the laundry! These two kids can cause me to do multiple loads a day! I get an average of 1-2 meals a day, but I really try and eat small/quick things here and there.

Steve has been amazing!! And always tries to make me sit or lie down when he is home. He and his mom have still been doing most of the cooking, but I really try to step in when I can.

Anyway, I am not trying to get sympathy or anything.... I just needed to vent and having all written down helps me to realize that it really is a lot and anyone would have a hard time with this schedule keeping a day perfect.

But I love my kids with all my heart! I know how hard it was for us to get them here and I am so grateful for them both! But honestly I would be surprised if we attempted to have another kid on our own until these two are much older!

 Emarie doing one of her finger plays after school one day

Em holding Ryker for the first time (he was probably about a week old here