*Play song, "Your Love Means Everything" with this post
This post will take you into some of the depths of struggle that we face as special need's parents. If you have a newborn, you can relate on a small level, but at night, I feel like we've had a newborn for four years. However, if you have a child that is either nonverbal or limitedly verbal, then you really have an idea of what this post is about.
This post will take you into some of the depths of struggle that we face as special need's parents. If you have a newborn, you can relate on a small level, but at night, I feel like we've had a newborn for four years. However, if you have a child that is either nonverbal or limitedly verbal, then you really have an idea of what this post is about.
Although Em has quite the vocabulary range, she is classified in the medical world as "nonverbal". Mostly because she is so selective with when and how she uses language (even though when she does, she mostly uses it correctly). But she goes in lulls sometimes, long lulls.... and right now she's been in the longest lull she's ever been in. However, we learned very early to never use what the medical world says about our daughter as the stone clad. Doesn't mean I still don't get down.... that I still don't have hard times.... hard nights.
Last night like so many nights, Em woke up several times in distress. But last night was actually worse, much worse. There was something wrong. Seriously wrong. And I had no clue what it was. And as I did what I could to console her, I felt defeated. Utterly defeated. A complete failure as a mother. This was more than just my daughter not being able to tell me what's wrong, but the fact that I'm her mother and all society tells me that I should know what's wrong without her telling me. Steve is different in these situations, and I sometimes wish desperately that I could be more like him. He always has the right touch, the right soothe in his voice, he is always able to comfort her when I am not. We are lucky he is here. I gave her motrin and benadryl, and her daddy rubbed her back until she fell asleep again.
Still just wish I could be more for her. But, I'll just keep doing what I know, because that's all that I can.... and just hope that it will be enough.
7 comments:
Oh Alisha, I feel exactly the same way and your post brings tears to my eyes. I'm willing to wager that there are far more times that you do know exactly what is wrong with her, than those few times when you don't.
I tell people that all the time; about having a newborn for four years. And it's exhausting! It's worth it, and I would have done it forever, but it's hard! And I know what you mean about the touch, Robby could always soothe Emily more than I could. And I was always glad he was there, but it made me feel a wee bit bad sometimes. Hang in there, you're doing great-Em was sent to the right house!
I am sure you are doing fine! But I know what you mean. It sure would be nice if they could tell us what's wrong!! Where's the owner's manual??
Oh man, a newborn sleep schedule for years?? I need to stop complaining about no sleep and remember my heroic friend Alisha! And don't ever get down, em was sent to you for a reason, cuz you are one of the strongest and most capable mommy in the world!
Yes-a newborn-forever. Exactly how I feel on my bad days. But the good ones-and there are good ones-are make me forget all the bad ones. Even the ones when we can't figure out what's wrong, or make it better. I'm hoping it's just the weather-cause we had a similar evening with Ethan! Don't beat yourself up-you are a great Mommy-and know her better than anyone!!!
I can't imagine. I am a zombie at night and Eric is always the one who can think clearly, so I know what you mean. My instagram name is MrsStettler, lets be friends!
You're a great mom! You do so amazing!
I love that photo of you two.
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